Definition of advice

MerriamWebster online defines advice as: a recommendation regarding a decision or course of conduct as in „he shall have power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to make treaties (United States Constitution); information or notice given; an official notice concerning a business transaction.

Examples of advice: My advice is to sell your old car and get a new one; take my advice and sell your old car; He needs advice from an expert; She’s been giving him some expert advice about investing; “May I ask your advice about something?” “Certainly. I’m always happy to give advice when asked for it.

Middle English avis, advis view, opinion, from Anglo-French, from the Old French phrase ce m’est a vis that appears to me, part translation of Latin mihi visum est it seemed so to me, I decided. First Known Use: 14th century.

Interestingly, see the synonyms MerriamWebster lists for advice. Adjuration: a solemn oath; an earnest urging or advising. Admonish: to speak to someone in a way that expresses disapproval or criticism; to tell or urge someone to do something. Admonition: a criticism or warning about behavior.

In other words, advice can be received as solemn, earnest (heartfelt, conerned) help or as disapproval, criticism, even as a warning.

Violence and Caution

Violence contributes to the American tendency to avoid controversial subjects. The U.S. has some of the highest crime rates in the world, including approximately 83% more total crimes than Germany. For example, the murder rate in the U.S. is more than five times higher than in Germany.

Avoiding controversial topics allows Americans to find a safer way to communicate with people they don’t know. It allows strangers to get to know each other in a non-threatening environment. If you’re too straightforward and offend the wrong people in the U.S., it’s much more likely to end badly for you.

Bleeding Kansas was the term given to Kansas during the American Civil War in the mid-1800s. Kansas was a territory at the beginning of the war, and so unlike most of the states, which were divided into free-state (Union) and slave-state (Confederacy), Kansas contained people who strongly supported one side or the other.

This led to an outbreak of neighbor-against-neighbor violence, including several massacres such as the Pottawatomie Creek massacre (in which five slave-state supporters were murdered) and the Marais des Cygnes massacre (in which five free-state supporters were murdered). Kansans who wanted to remain safe had to find ways to avoid discussing their allegiances.

George Tiller was an abortion doctor in Wichita. In 1986 Tiller’s clinic was firebombed. During its rebuilding Tiller displayed a controversial sign: “Hell no, we won’t go.” In 1993 he was shot several times while in his car, but survivved. In 2009 he was killed in during church services by anti-abortion activist Scott Roeder.

The creators of South Park, a satirical cartoon, have faced many death threats from people offended by their controversial material. One of the more prominent threat campaigns occurred in 2010 after the show featured a character meant to represent the prophet Mohammad wearing a bear suit. This campaign was largely led by Jesse Morton, who was arrested and pleaded guilty to making threatening communications and conspiring to commit murder.

In 1979 in Greensboro, North Carolina an anti-racist march was confronted by members of the Klu Klux Klan. Things soon turned violent, and the white supremacists, who were armed, shot and killed several marchers.

„Archie ain’t afraid“

„I am not afraid that the book will be controversial, I’m afraid it will not be controversial.“ Flannery O’Connor, American author

„If an individual wants to be a leader and isn’t controversial, that means he never stood for anything.“ Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

„Dollywood is a family park, and all families are welcome. We do have a policy about profanity or controversial messages on clothing or signs. It is to protect the individual wearing or carrying them, as well as to keep down fights or problems by those opposed to it at the park.“ Dolly Parton, Entertainer

„Just because you say something doesn’t make it controversial, and it doesn’t make you a bad person.“ Charles Barkley, former NBA basketball player

„You can’t have a university without having free speech, even though at times it makes us terribly uncomfortable. If students are not going to hear controversial ideas on college campuses, they’re not going to hear them in America. I believe it’s part of their education.“ Donna Shalala, Secretary of of Health and Human Services under President Bill Clinton.

„Controversial proposals, once accepted, soon become hallowed.“ Dean Acheson, Secretary of State under President Harry Truman.

„That’s the heart of it: My shows were not that controversial with the American people. They were controversial with the people who think for the American people.“ Norman Lear, Author and producer of the American television series All in the Family.

„One of the lessons from Sept. 11 is that America requires a long-term presence in those parts of the world that endanger us. This notion has become controversial, but frankly, the need could not be clearer.“ Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City.

Advice-givers advice

There are hundreds of American advice-givers on the web. Let’s read what they write about unsolicited advice:

“Your opinion is valuable, your advice even more precious. So, save it. Keep it for yourself. Odds are, you need it more than I do. So, please don’t give that sh*t away, certainly not without even being asked.”

“Have a nice day,” said the mom to her teenage daughter; to which the daughter replied, `Motherrrr, will you pulleeeeze stop telling me what to do!´ I empathize with both parties in this old joke. Sometimes we get so overrun by unsolicited advice that even the most innocuous, benevolent advice becomes intolerable.”

“Unsolicited Advice: We’ve all received it at some point in our lives and we’ve all given it as well. In some few cases, if we didn’t know enough about the circumstance to ask for advice then we are appreciative if someone tells us – but those moments are few and far between. The majority of the time we feel that the other person is trying to take our own power away. We feel as if they believe that we are not capable of taking care of ourselves and knowing what we need.”

“Four tips on how to give unsolicited advice: 1. Rephrase your advice as your own personal experience. 2. To repeat: Keep your stories short and relevant. Most people’s attention span is a lot shorter than your speaking ability! 3. If you must give direct advice disguise it as “How I did it” or “How someone else did it”. 4. Accept that the recipient will reject or act on your advice at their own will and allow them their self motivation.”

80% self-censor

7 April 2022. New York Times:

“There is now little doubt that students frequently bite their tongues because they feel unsafe. A 2021 survey of more than 37,000 college students — by far the largest on free expression to date — found that more than 80 percent of students censor their own viewpoints at least some of the time, while roughly one in five students regularly do so. Meanwhile, only 40 percent of students say that they are comfortable openly disagreeing with their professors.”

Yes, hypersensitivity on American university campuses is well-known. What does this have to do with communication and feedback within American companies? Everything. Political correctness, like it or dislike it, has been a growing force in the United States for several decades.

“Hey, how are you?”

Observations of a young German woman in Cincinnati, Ohio in the U.S.

This comment gets it right: “My experience with small talk is that it starts light and superficial, but the longer it goes on, the more personal it gets. It’s as if both are sending out feelers to find out how deep (or long) the conversation is going to be and to make sure both can end it (or back off) at any time without things getting awkward.

The answer to ‘how are you’ (‘hey, what’s up?’ actually) is always expected to be short, but can be open ended to lead the other person to probe deeper if they wish, such as, ‘okay I guess, I got some stuff going on.’ The other person can back off and say, ‘yeah, I hear ya’ and change the subject if they don’t want to go deeper, or respond with, ‘really? what’s going on?’ if they want you to open up more. Like a verbal tennis match where each hit gets harder to see how intense the game will be. I’m not sure I phrased it right, but I think you catch my meaning.”

Mean

An uncut scene from Bridesmaids where Kristen Wiig and the teenager argue in the jewelry store. This is improv at its best! Who says Americans can get in each other’s face?

YouTube comments:

“This girl was only 14 when she held her own with a professional comedian for 10 minutes.”

“Kristen Wiig is an absolute improv genius and not afraid to set herself up as the punching bag for the little girl.”

“They clearly were having way too much fun with this scene. Mia starts to smile too much because it’s such a joy to go so unhinged on somebody. The director probably said to go in there and completely go off on her but don’t overlap lines so we can edit. The editors probably had too much fun with this scene too. Can you blame any of them?”

“Props to Kristen but that girl annihilated her.”

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