United States – Page 50 – understand-culture

Gift of gab

In his post on Forbes online – Six Reasons Small Talk Is Very Important and How To Get Better At It – Brett Nelson writes:

„Whether getting a job, working with colleagues, winning new clients, entertaining existing ones, all of it requires small talk. You better have the gift of gab.“

He then quotes from How To Get A Job On Wall Street, written by Scott Hoover, Associate Professor of Finance at Washington and Lee University: “In trying to generate business, the deal pitch is obviously critical. What is not so obvious is that simple, seemingly innocuous conversation with potential clients can be just as important. Companies want to hire people who can think on their feet.”

MerriamWebster defines gab as: to talk a lot in an informal way usually about things that are not important or serious; to talk in a rapid or thoughtless manner. First know use 1786. Synonyms: babble, blab, cackle, chatter, chat, jabber, rattle, run on, schmooze, talk, twitter.

An Android’s Nightmare

Small talk is so important to American culture that it often appears in American science fiction, usually in the form of an alien species (or other non-human) refusing to use it or having difficulty understanding it.

In the American television show Star Trek: The Next Generation, Lieutenant Commander Data, an android, makes several attempts to master the skill, usually with disastrous (or at least comical) results. In one particular episode, he writes an algorithm for small talk, and then annoys many of the members of the Enterprise crew by attempting to engage them in conversations that are a little too non-relevant even for small talk.

Other species’ lack of small talk also caused discomfort among the humans in the various Star Trek incarnations. In Star Trek: Voyager, Tuvok, a Vulcan, refused to participate in small talk, and when asked to participate, stated that Vulcans do not make small talk.
Also on Voyager, the Doctor (a hologram), often commented that he was not programmed to make small talk, saying such things as Small talk only compromises my performance.

However, it wasn’t long before the Doctor changed his opinion about the social behavior, and soon he was even teaching Seven of Nine (a former human turned Borg then turned human again) how to use small talk, telling her that it was “a vital … skill (that) helps to establish a rapport.”

Wily

Surreptitious: kept secret, especially because it would not be approved of. From Latin surreptitius: secretly and seize.

Sneaky: furtive, sly, reluctant.

Wily: skilled at gaining an advantage, especially deceitfully.

Clever: quick to understand, learn, and devise or apply ideas; intelligence. Derived from Middle English perhaps of Dutch or Low German origin. In the late 16th century, the term came to mean manually skillful. The sense of possessing mental agility dates to the early 1700s.

“Break the ice”

Small talk exists in every culture. It serves several important functions. Small talk closes distances, prevents silence, facilitates politeness within social exchange. Small talk serves as a bridge when two or more parties are willing and able to communicate and are also expected to do so, yet not about substantial topics. Small talk fills gaps in a personal and pleasant way.

To break the ice is an American idiom meaning to get beyond the first uncomfortable, unpleasant or embarrassing feelings when people meet for the first time. One breaks the ice usually through light-hearted conversation or playful action.

Small Talk as Big Talk

Big talk can come in the shape of small talk. A seemingly insignificant conversation can involve important information. One person would like to address important, even sensitive, topics without addressing them directly.

The hope is that the other party will respond accordingly, thus enabling the conversation to transition from small to big talk. In some cases, however, it is the intent of the one party to gain valuable information without the other party aware that they are divulging it.

Books on Small Talk

On Amazon.com, there are 125,927 search results for books involving small talk. On BarnesandNoble.com, thee are 328 books found under small talk. Titles include The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep it Going, Build Networking Skills—and Leave a Positive Impression by Debra Fine and Turn Small Talk into Big Deals: Using 4 Key Conversation Styles to Customize Your Networking Approach, Build Relationships, and Win More Clients by Don Gabor.

The Godfather

The book The Godfather was written by Mario Puzo and published in 1969. The story, which was later made into a trilogy of movies, focuses largely on the business and personal lives of an Italian mafia family living in New York. Some of the most famous quotes about the blending of business and personal include:

“Tom, don’t let anybody kid you. It’s all personal, every bit of business. Every piece of shit every man has to eat every day of his life is personal. They call it business. Ok. But it’s personal as hell.

You know where I learned that from? The Don. My old man. The Godfather. If a bolt of lightning hit a friend of his, the old man would take it personal. He took my going into the Marines personal. That’s what makes him great. The Great Don. He takes everything personal like God.

He knows every feather that falls from the tail of a sparrow or however the hell it goes. Right? And you know something? Accidents don’t happen to people who take accidents as a personal insult.

He had long ago learned that society imposes insults that must be borne, comforted by the knowledge that in this world there comes a time when the most humble of men, if he keeps his eyes open, can take his revenge on the most powerful.

It was this knowledge that prevented the Don from losing the humility all his friends admired in him. When they come … they come at what you love. They made it personal when they shot Pop. It is not business, it’s personal.”

„Only fools criticize“

In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People (published in 1936 with more than fifteen million copies) the famous American businessman Dale Carnegie made the following statements which have been taken to heart by generations of Americans:

“Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.”

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”

“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”

“I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument — and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

The Office

The hit TV series The Office, which originated in the UK, now exists in nine different versions adapted to the individual languages and tastes of the American, French, German, French Canadian, Chilean, Swedish, and Israeli people as well. The U.S. and German versions are by far the most successful and longest running of the lot.

That a mockumentary show about everyday office life should have to be adapted so many times to fit tastes across cultures, in spite of keeping a similar structure, set of characters, and setting speaks volumes about the importance of minor cultural differences in such a mundane setting.

Here, in broad strokes, are some of the chief differences. In the British version, nobody is working, nobody has a happy relationship, everyone looks terrible, and everybody is depressed.

In the French version, nobody is working but even the idiots look good, and everybody seems possessed of an intriguing private life. In the German version, actual work is visibly being done, and most of the staff is coupled up.

The American version most clearly shows the staff typically working, and places emphasis on their relationships outside of the office, highlighting the reality that many of them have relatively strong relationships outside of the workplace as well. Especially clear are the tactics of Michael Scott to be the best friend of everyone in the office, in spite of being their boss and having to make the tough decisions which don’t make everyone happy.

[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUcS4DrExOo[/embedyt]

His German counterpart, Berndt Stromberg, also seems to value the attention of his employees over his actual tasks, but clearly does not want to be everybody’s friend.

Reputations ruined

One reason why Americans take criticism so personally is the importance they place on public perception. Reputation, especially in business, is a very sensitive issue. It can be damaged quickly, and often irreparably, by criticism.

The public relations sector has been thriving in the American economy for generations. And in the digital age companies such as reputation(dot)com focus solely on helping companies (and individuals) to protect their reputations.

Warren Buffett, called the Wizard of Omaha and the Oracle of Omaha, and considered the greatest American investor, once said “It takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.”

Roger Boisjoly, an engineer at NASA during the Challenger space shuttle disaster, suspected that the explosion would occur. He tried to warn his superiors, but was ignored. During the investigation he was very forthcoming about what went wrong and whose fault it was, damaging many the reputation of many colleagues and superiors.

Even though he had fought to keep the disaster from happening, by ruining those reputations he damaged his own. Boisjoly received such horrible treatment at work that he eventually quit. Because he had a reputation as a reputation destroyer he couldn’t find another engineering position. Instead, he worked as a speaker on workplace ethics, teaching Americans how to avoid his mistakes and point out problems in a work environment without hurting reputations.