psychology Archives - understand-culture

Why we find it hard to say no

To learn to say no, we have to first understand what’s resisting us about it. Below are common reasons why people find it hard to say no:

You want to help. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.

Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying “No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude.

Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement.

Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her.

Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. didn’t want to say no as she felt it would affect her promotion opportunities in the future.

Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.

From Celestine Chua of The Personal Excellence Blog.

When to say No

“When to say No”, from the Mayo Clinic website on stress management:

Focus on what matters most. Examine your obligations and priorities before making any new commitments.

Weigh the yes-to-stress ratio. Is the new activity you’re considering a short- or long-term commitment?

Take guilt out of the equation. Don’t agree to a request you would rather decline out of guilt or obligation.

Sleep on it. Before you respond, take a day to think about the request and how it fits in with your current commitments.

How to say no.

Say no. The word no has power. Don’t be afraid to use it. Be careful about using substitutes phrases, such as “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think I can.”

Be brief. State your reason for refusing the request, but don’t go on about it. Avoid elaborate justifications or explanations.

Be honest. Don’t fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.

Be respectful. Many good causes land at your door, and it can be tough to turn them down. Complimenting the group’s effort while saying that you can’t commit shows that you respect what they’re trying to accomplish.

Be ready to repeat. You may need to refuse a request several times before the other person accepts your response. Calmly repeat your no, with or without your original rationale, as needed.

Embrace Conflict

In 2012, American business magazine Forbes published an article that lists several keys to dealing with workplace conflict. In the article, the author suggests that every business leader should adhere to the principle “don’t fear conflict; embrace it – it’s your job.”

The article also recommends that every conflict should be resolved quickly, and, if possible, business leaders should identify people who are likely to get into conflicts and stage pre-conflict interventions with everyone who seems likely to become involved.

Another article from About Money lists actions to avoid when resolving workplace conflicts. The top two points on the list advise leaders not to avoid conflict and not to meet separately with the people in conflict. Most articles from American business journals include similar advice.

Atlas of Emotions

In the U.S. the field of psychology has grown in popularity. In the 2006-2007 school year, social science was tied with history as having the second largest number of awarded Bachelor’s degrees.

In fact, there are so many people majoring in psychology in the U.S. that psychology majors have the highest unemployment rates of all recent college graduates, with 19.5% of clinical psychology majors and more than 10% of educational and industrial/organizational psychology majors unable to find work.

A lot of this popularity is due to the work of people like Paul Ekman, an American psychologist, who has created an Atlas of Emotions, which identifies over ten thousand different facial expressions. He has also written fifteen books about body language including Telling Lies and Emotions Revealed.

Due to his high (albeit imperfect) success-rate with using small details in a person’s facial expressions to induce larger truths about that person, Ekman has served as an advisor to several police departments and anti-terrorism groups, including the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). Thanks to his work, Ekman has gained a reputation as the best human lie detector in the world.

Additionally, Ekman’s work was recently used as the basis for the television crime drama Lie to Me, a show in which several psychologists and facial expression experts use their knowledge of body language to assist in investigations. This show ran from 2009 to 2011, and won two People’s Choice Awards in 2011.

“that make us miserable”

June 16, 2025. Wall Street Journal. “Many of us feel compelled to say yes to things that make us miserable. Yes to work that is not our job. Yes to taking on jobs when we’re at home or on vacation. Yes to boring, unnecessary meetings or company dinners.”

Key Points: saying yes to unwanted tasks leads to unhappiness, while saying no, when done correctly, brings relief; evaluate requests by weighing their cost to you against the benefit to others before responding; base your “no” on personal principles, use empowered language, and reinforce with confident body language.

The author is Vanessa Patrick, associate dean of research and Bauer professor of marketing at the University of Houston’s C.T. Bauer College of Business. She is the author of “The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life.”

Some interesting comments on the article:

“Like so many things, it depends. In my experience, unless the corporate world has changed much more than I think it likely has, saying “no” to your boss is generally not a great career move.”

“Following this advice will result in getting you and your priorities fired! This article is written by an academic who clearly has no idea how large, fast organizations work. It’s incredibly arrogant to assume that one always knows the valid reason to do something that seems out of one’s lane. It assumes you work with the same knowledge/data as your boss. That’s rarely the case. The current environment is so ultra-competitive that missing even a slight competitive edge or event could mean the decisive difference. Do not listen to someone so entranced in academia (with tenure and no competition ) who is advising you to do.”

“I started reading this article, then quickly said, “No”.”

“The author clearly never worked at a consulting firm or any kind of matrix organization where there were many bosses with competing interests. However, she is publishing, and that’s important for academicians.”

“After moving 3 times in 4 years for my employer, he then asked me to move again after one year. Talked to my wife over the weekend and decided the family would stay while I listed conditions for accepting the move including weekend flights back home. On following Monday told the boss I would accept the assignment and handed him my written list of conditions. He said forget about it and asked me who he should give the assignment to. I stayed at the then current location for 6 years and moved to final location before retirement. Oh and got a another promotion along the way. Cannot just say no; must be strategic/political. Always do what is best for the company with caveats.”

Are Germans really perfectly organized?

Euromaxx reporter Michael Wigge continues his search for the truth about Germany. He travels all over the country with the aim of getting to the bottom of the many clichés that exist about Germany and Germans. Part of the fun of living in such old countries as those here in Europe is that many of the quirks that were hard earned over centuries can be confirmed…and then,again some can’t.

A German on Perfektionismus

Short and sweet. Germans are aware of their inclination towards perfectionism.

Perfectionism in 3 Minutes

When you think of the word perfectionism, you might think of those you know (or maybe yourself) who are anal, OCD, and hard to work with. Perfectionism is when you aren’t satisfied until every little detail is up to your standard of “perfect.”

The problem with this is that perfection is subjective, and our subjective judgment changes from day to day. So while something in your eyes may be perfect today, tomorrow you opinion could completely change.

YouTube comments:

“I have perfectionism and one thing I go through is if I get hit on my arm I have to hit my other arm the exact same spot and it is very annoying.”

“Perfect is the enemy of the good” – I think it’s the enemy of great and downright awesome too. I often wonder how many amazing things we never got to see because it’s creator could only see the ways in which it missed the mark. I keep this in mind a lot.

The Perfectionist Trap

“We typically aim for a particular career because we have been deeply impressed by the exploits of the most accomplished practitioners in the field.

We formulate our ambitions by admiring the beautiful structures of the architect tasked with designing the city’s new airport, or by following the intrepid trades of the wealthiest Wall Street fund manager, by reading the analyses of the acclaimed literary novelist or sampling the piquant meals in the restaurant of a prize-winning chef.

We form our career plans on the basis of perfection. Then, inspired by the masters, we take our own first steps and trouble begins. What we have managed to design, or make in our first month of trading, or write in an early short story, or cook for the family is markedly and absurdly, beneath the standard that first sparked our ambitions. We who are so aware of excellence end up the least able to tolerate mediocrity – which in this case, happens to be our own….”

Perfectionism – 7 Examples

Perfectionism is a complex characteristic that according to experts, can be adaptive (healthy, positive, functional) or maladaptive (unhealthy, negative, dysfunctional).

This article explores the drives and concerns associated with perfectionism, along with theories that offer insight into this fascinating personality trait.