Communication – Page 8 – understand-culture

Not German Know-it-alls

Germans believe in norms. Conformity, uniformity. Rectitude, righteousness. Accommodation, assimilation. Subordination, subsidiarity. If the law states that adults may not ride their bicycles on the sidewalk, then German adults do not ride their bicycles on the sidewalk. Doing otherwise breaches, transgresses, goes against the law, order, against agreements made which are then communicated in the form of a law. The breach demonstrates a lack of respect, of making oneself more important than the others.

In public spaces – such as automobile, bicycle, pedestrian traffic – Germans feel responsible for each other, allowing them, expecting of them, to point out to others what they are doing wrong, which could injure them or others. Just as one would help an older person carry their packages across a busy street, so to one would point out to a parent who forgot to put a bicycle helmet on their child’s head.

Germans believe in having a high degree of collective responsibility. They show concern for, look after, the people around them. Germans do not believe in leaving others alone to suffer the consequences of their own avoidable failures. Both the individual and the group is responsible for the individual. The weak – or less informed – should be supported with “Rat und Tat”, literally advice and action.

Der Deutsch-Franzoser

Not long ago. In a café, talking with a German graduate student interested in doing project work for me. He is intelligent, polite, listening carefully. At the table next to us another guy, same age, drinking tea, eating cake, typing into this laptop, headphones on, on his head a thin woolen cap. It‘s late November. After an hour or so our neighbor pays his bill, packs up his laptop, stands up then turns to me and says: Wissen Sie, es ist sehr unhöflich auf Menschen mit dem Zeigefinger zu deuten.

I was not aware that during my talk with the grad student that I had pointed to him with my index finger. But, wait! Who is this guy to interrupt our conversation and correct my behavior? I was shocked, but then again not surprised. I turned to the grad student – we were discussing differences between cultures – and smiled, saying softly: “There you are. Germans giving unsolicited advice.”

Hardly had I gotten that statement out and my friendly neighbor – not yet finished gathering his things – turned to me again and said: Ich bin Deutschfranzoser. He‘s bicultural, German and French. It wasn‘t worth my time to engage in a debate with him about the matter. It made me wonder, though, if the French also give unsolicited advice.

“Don’t walk around“

Several years ago. Atlanta. A management seminar. One of my first. I have the habit of walking around the room while I talk or listen. Two straight days of sitting is not healthy. And I tend to be wound up.

Day two, just after breakfast, I head to the seminar room to prepare a few flipcharts. Coming down the hall is one of the participants. German. He stops me, clearly angry with me. Sie sollten nicht die ganze Zeit im Seminar aufstehen und herumgehen. Das ist unprofessionell und stört. I should not stand up and walk around the room during the seminar. It is unprofessional. My reaction? Oh, ok. How nice to get such friendly advice.

Golf Swing next to Pool

Twenty laps done. I decided to jump out of the pool and simulate my golf swing. I had played a few rounds in the U.S., bought some used clubs, and decided to get back into it. Lap swimming builds shoulder muscles. Good to stretch a bit then swim some more. As I’m swiveling from right to left, swinging my imaginary golf club, I hear from lane two: Sie müssen die Hüfte stärker schwenken.

Had I heard that right? I needed to swing my hips a bit more? Oh no, I thought. Here we go again. I immediately knew that I had a choice to make. Get angry at him, wait for him to come out of the pool then tell him to keep his opinions to himself or not get angry.

I opted to react positively, looking at him with question marks in my eyes. He repeated himself, with a smile. I smiled back. After my swim I bumped into him in the locker room. Later, sitting outside we talked for well over an hour. He was a delightful gentleman who had simply looked for a way to strike up a conversation with me. I’m glad he did.

Bike Helmet

End of a workday. 6:30 pm. Winter. Dark. Raining lightly. I hop on my bike and head home. Turning into my street I ride along the sidewalk on the left hand side of the road. Slowly. Don‘t want the bike to slide out from under me. I also want to be respectful of pedestrians.

I see a woman about twenty-five meters ahead of me. Just before I pass her she suddenly sticks out her left arm like a pole to block me. It works. I brake suddenly, jump off and confront her. “Are you crazy? I could have fallen from my bike and injured myself.”

She stands her ground, looks me in the eye and says very calmly: Sie fahren auf dem Bürgersteig, auf der linken Seite der Strasse und ohne Licht. I was riding on the sidewalk as an adult, on the left hand side of the street and without a bicycle light on.

In Germany, all against the law. I was flabbergasted, not so much at the laws, which make perfect sense, but at the audacity of this woman to play enforcer of the law. I could hardly contain myself. Upon arriving at home I described the scene to my German wife. Her response? Sie hat recht. The woman was right. The marriage didn’t last.

„Archie ain’t afraid“

„I am not afraid that the book will be controversial, I’m afraid it will not be controversial.“ Flannery O’Connor, American author

„If an individual wants to be a leader and isn’t controversial, that means he never stood for anything.“ Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

„Dollywood is a family park, and all families are welcome. We do have a policy about profanity or controversial messages on clothing or signs. It is to protect the individual wearing or carrying them, as well as to keep down fights or problems by those opposed to it at the park.“ Dolly Parton, Entertainer

„Just because you say something doesn’t make it controversial, and it doesn’t make you a bad person.“ Charles Barkley, former NBA basketball player

„You can’t have a university without having free speech, even though at times it makes us terribly uncomfortable. If students are not going to hear controversial ideas on college campuses, they’re not going to hear them in America. I believe it’s part of their education.“ Donna Shalala, Secretary of of Health and Human Services under President Bill Clinton.

„Controversial proposals, once accepted, soon become hallowed.“ Dean Acheson, Secretary of State under President Harry Truman.

„That’s the heart of it: My shows were not that controversial with the American people. They were controversial with the people who think for the American people.“ Norman Lear, Author and producer of the American television series All in the Family.

„One of the lessons from Sept. 11 is that America requires a long-term presence in those parts of the world that endanger us. This notion has become controversial, but frankly, the need could not be clearer.“ Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City.

Discussion. Disagreement. Argument.

“Relating to or causing much discussion, disagreement, or argument.“ So defines MerriamWebster the term controversy. „Abortion is a highly controversial subject.“ Or „a decision that remains controversial.“ Or „He is a controversial author.“

First known use is 1583. Synonyms: argumentative, contentious, disputatious, hot-button, polemical. Antonyms: noncontroversial, safe, uncontroversial.

Safe.

Bit which topics are safe, which unsafe, in the American context? Which will not lead to an argument, which will? How can a person not native to the U.S. know the answers to these questions?

Safe topics?

Violence and Caution

Violence contributes to the American tendency to avoid controversial subjects. The U.S. has some of the highest crime rates in the world, including approximately 83% more total crimes than Germany. For example, the murder rate in the U.S. is more than five times higher than in Germany.

Avoiding controversial topics allows Americans to find a safer way to communicate with people they don’t know. It allows strangers to get to know each other in a non-threatening environment. If you’re too straightforward and offend the wrong people in the U.S., it’s much more likely to end badly for you.

Bleeding Kansas was the term given to Kansas during the American Civil War in the mid-1800s. Kansas was a territory at the beginning of the war, and so unlike most of the states, which were divided into free-state (Union) and slave-state (Confederacy), Kansas contained people who strongly supported one side or the other.

This led to an outbreak of neighbor-against-neighbor violence, including several massacres such as the Pottawatomie Creek massacre (in which five slave-state supporters were murdered) and the Marais des Cygnes massacre (in which five free-state supporters were murdered). Kansans who wanted to remain safe had to find ways to avoid discussing their allegiances.

George Tiller was an abortion doctor in Wichita. In 1986 Tiller’s clinic was firebombed. During its rebuilding Tiller displayed a controversial sign: “Hell no, we won’t go.” In 1993 he was shot several times while in his car, but survivved. In 2009 he was killed in during church services by anti-abortion activist Scott Roeder.

The creators of South Park, a satirical cartoon, have faced many death threats from people offended by their controversial material. One of the more prominent threat campaigns occurred in 2010 after the show featured a character meant to represent the prophet Mohammad wearing a bear suit. This campaign was largely led by Jesse Morton, who was arrested and pleaded guilty to making threatening communications and conspiring to commit murder.

In 1979 in Greensboro, North Carolina an anti-racist march was confronted by members of the Klu Klux Klan. Things soon turned violent, and the white supremacists, who were armed, shot and killed several marchers.

Political Correctness

Political correctness language (also known as PC) aims to avoid any form of descrimination or perceived discrimination against social, economic or political groups defined by race, gender, religion, ethnicity, age, disability or sexual orientation.

See gender-neutral terms such as firefighter in the place fireman and firewoman, police officer in place of policeman and policewoman; value-free terms describing physical disabilities, such as visually impaired in place of blind and hearing impaired in place of deaf; value-free cultural terms, such as Holiday season and Winter holiday, in place of Christmas.

Limbaugh. Moore.

With a weekly audience of 15 million people, famous conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has the highest ranked radio talk show in America. Beyond being an outspoken promoter of conservative values, he has gained his notoriety by being the man who supposedly says what everyone is thinking, but are too afraid to say out loud.

On the other hand, many consider a lot of his remarks to be at the very least distasteful and inaccurate. Nevertheless, the controversy he stirs up has made him one of the most well paid media figures in America. In 1992, Limbaugh published his first book, The Way Things Ought to Be, followed by See, I Told You So in 1993. Both became number one on the New York Times Best Seller list, The Way Things Ought to Be remaining there for 24 weeks.

On the other side of the political spectrum is a man often described as being the left liberal counterpart to Rush Limbaugh: documentary filmmaker Michael Moore. Michael Moore has produced three of the top ten highest grossing documentary films of all times (Farenheit 9/11, Bowling for Columbine, and Sicko) all of which take a critical standpoint of various American laws and social policies in topics such as topics such as globalization, large corporations, assault weapon ownership, the Iraq War, the American health care system, and capitalism.

In 2005 Time magazine named Moore one of the world’s 100 most influential people. Moore’s films, and his ‘hands-on’ approach to getting evidence are so controversial that his films were all produced independently, largely from funding which he himself contributed or lobbied for. There are many who claim that he inaccurately represents issues by only supplying evidence to support his own point of view.