United States – understand-culture

“I won’t accept this prize“

In 2008 leading literary pundit Marcel Reich-Ranicki was supposed to receive the German television award for his life’s work. Reich-Ranicki also came to the awards show and listened to the laudation by Thomas Gottschalk. However, in his thank-you address he had little thanks left for the award that he a just been presented with.

Instead, he explained, that he had already received many important prizes in his life, and that it had never been difficult for him to say thank you. But today, he was “in a very horrible situation“, as he was forced to “somehow react” to the prize which he had received, and was asked to be “not too harsh”.

“I don’t want to offend anyone. No, I don‘t want to do that. But I would just like to come out and say that I will not accept this prize. If the prize had come with money I would have given the money back, but it didn’t come with money. I can only fling this object […] away from me, or throw it at someone’s feet. I cannot accept it! And I also found it terrible to have to suffer this event for five hours.”

Reich-Ranicki’s speech left his audience perplexed. During his speech the cameras continued to capture shocked expressions amongst the members of the audience, here and there and embarrassed grin, a few laughs. Reich-Raniki was bold enough to call the German Television award, which many of the attending actors and producers used to sing their own praises, ‘rubbish’. Freely and without restraint. Controversial. Typical Reich-Ranicki.

“Who are you?!“

Many Americans are the descendants of people who left their homes to escape what they considered to be imposing or coercive laws in their native countries. As such, they’ve been raised to consider any interference (even unsolicited, but well-meaning, advice) as an attack on their freedom as Americans.

This in the sense of: ;„Who are you to tell me how to live? This is America. A free country. I can live the way I want! Americans are very fearful of one group in the U.S. dictating to another how they should live.

coerce: to restrain or dominate by force; to compel to an act or choice; to achieve by force or threat. Middle English cohercen. Anglo-French cohercer. Latin coercēre, to shut up, enclose. Synonyms: force, compel, constrain, dragoon, drive, impel, impress, make, muscle, obligate, oblige, pressure.

“What would you do?“

With the recent popularity of YouTube and other amateur video websites, people have been staging scenarios and filming people’s reactions to them. This is particularly popular in the U.S., where, in addition to amateur reaction videos, in 2008 ABC created a television show called What Would You Do?

In the show, actors and actresses pretend to be in situations in which they would benefit from unsolicited advice (domestic abuse, drugged beverages, etc.), and the show collects statistics on how many people offer advice or warnings.

Typically, most Americans who witness these situations don’t get involved. In one episode, in which a caregiver in a park berates the elderly man for whom he’s supposed to be caring, and refuses to take the elderly man home when asked, only one-quarter of the people who witnessed the interaction intervened. Other episodes typically have similar statistics of intervention.

Advice-givers advice

There are hundreds of American advice-givers on the web. Let’s read what they write about unsolicited advice:

“Your opinion is valuable, your advice even more precious. So, save it. Keep it for yourself. Odds are, you need it more than I do. So, please don’t give that sh*t away, certainly not without even being asked.”

“Have a nice day,” said the mom to her teenage daughter; to which the daughter replied, `Motherrrr, will you pulleeeeze stop telling me what to do!´ I empathize with both parties in this old joke. Sometimes we get so overrun by unsolicited advice that even the most innocuous, benevolent advice becomes intolerable.”

“Unsolicited Advice: We’ve all received it at some point in our lives and we’ve all given it as well. In some few cases, if we didn’t know enough about the circumstance to ask for advice then we are appreciative if someone tells us – but those moments are few and far between. The majority of the time we feel that the other person is trying to take our own power away. We feel as if they believe that we are not capable of taking care of ourselves and knowing what we need.”

“Four tips on how to give unsolicited advice: 1. Rephrase your advice as your own personal experience. 2. To repeat: Keep your stories short and relevant. Most people’s attention span is a lot shorter than your speaking ability! 3. If you must give direct advice disguise it as “How I did it” or “How someone else did it”. 4. Accept that the recipient will reject or act on your advice at their own will and allow them their self motivation.”

Crushed by Negative Speeches

Frankfurt. May 2015. Employees at Deutsche Bank’s headquarters week became the latest powerful stakeholder to call for its chief executives to resign. The workers council’s target: Anshu Jain.

The Corporate Center workers council, a powerful body that represents the 2,500 employees had put out a flyer entitled “Wind of Change? Wind of Jain?”

The letter called on the bank’s co-chief executive Anshu Jain to resign, stating a radical new start would give the bank back some credibility and could give rise to a real spirit of optimism.

Mr. Jain is apparently no longer able to shake off the repeated criticism so easily. There were numerous negative speeches aimed at him from shareholders over the course of the recent general meeting.

Hillary vs. Barack

During the 2008 Democratic presidential primaries, when individual state in the U.S. have elections to choose the party‘s candidate, there were several interactions between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama which made many feel uncomfortable. The interactions were direct, confrontational, critical, in some cases bordering on personal.

Within a week or so the two candidates had softened their tone. The media reported on it at length, speculating that senior people in the Democratic Party had advised Clinton and Obama to do so. They feared that if the attacks continued the winner of the primaries will be damaged going into the general election.

Candidates in the same party exposes each other‘s weaknesses offers opportunities for the opposing Republican Party. Hillary and Barack were asked to be more discrete.

Off-line

Discretion: The quality of having or showing good judgment; ability to make responsible decisions; individual choice or judgment; power of free decision or latitude of choice within certain legal bounds; the result of separating or distinguishing.

Off-line: Americans prefer to discuss sensitive matters „off-line“, meaning to do so privately, one-to-one, separate from the other team members. A capable team lead knows how to practice this kind of discretion while signaling to the other team members that the sensitive issues are being addressed and not „swept under the rug.“

humiliate: To reduce to a lower position in one’s own eyes or others’ eyes. From late Latin humiliate – ‘made humble,’ from the verb humiliare.

Cohesion: The act of forming a united whole. Mid 17th century from Latin cohaes – ‘cleaved together,’ from the verb cohaerere, on the pattern of adhesion.

During World War II, on August 3, 1943, General George Patton slapped a soldier who was hospitalized for psychoneurosis, accusing him of cowardice. The incident nearly ended Patton’s career. A week later, in a far less publicized incident, Patton slapped another soldier, who had been hospitalized for his “nerves.” Many members of Congress and the press called for Patton’s removal from command.

Bobby Knight, one of America‘s most innovative and successful college basketball coaches, was known for his straight-talking, open, honest and impatient, combative personality. After almost thirty years of extraordinary success at the University of Indiana, Knight was fired for very minor indiscretions involving players and students. Mr. Knight once said: “When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are past, I want them to bury me upside down, so that my critics can kiss my ass.”

Wayne “Woody” Hayes (1913-1987) was the football coach at Ohio State University for over twenty-five years, with a career record of 238 wins 72 losses and 10 ties, winning five national championships. Hayes challenged his players to be the best, often becoming impatient and angry, at times physically rough with them during practices. His career was ended after a 1978-game in which he physically attacked a player on the opposing team.

“Do not criticize me in front of the team”

American football. The professional league – NFL. Green Bay, Wisconsin. Cold. Very cold. The Green Bay Packers, the dominant football team of the 1960s. Their coach, Vince Lombardi, one of the greatest of all time. Their quarterback – play-maker, Spielmacher – Bart Starr.

Starr: quiet, serious, disciplined, selfless, talented, understated, fully focused on one goal only, winning. Winning championships. Starr to Lombardi: “Do not criticize me in front of the team, instead just the two of us. Otherwise I cannot lead the team.”

Listen to minutes 3:45 to 4:30

Discernment

Discernment: the right to choose what should be done in a particular situation; the quality of being careful about what you do and say so that people will not be embarrassed or offended; the quality of being discreet.

Showing discernment or good judgment: the ability to make responsible decisions; individual choice or judgment; the power of free decision or latitude of choice within certain legal bounds; separating or distinguishing.

First Known Use: 14th century. Synonyms: discreetness, common sense, horse sense, levelheadedness. Antonyms: imprudence, indiscretion

Source: MerriamWebster online.

Loose canons

Every culture has its definition of what effective leadership is. The ability to communicate criticism in a constructive and discreet manner is one of the most important skills required. Discretion, being a discreet person, handling sensitive issues discreetly, is essential not only to leading high performing teams, but for attracting and retaining high performing individuals.

Managers who are indiscreet, who voice their criticism of individual team members in the presence of others – colleagues, suppliers, customers – are considered to have poor interpersonal skills, to be negative, destructive, even mean spirited.

Americans refer to them as „loose cannons“ or as „time bombs.“ People do their best to avoid them. And talented team players do their best to find another, a better position within the company, or if necessary outside.

Indiscretion is a danger in the American business context. It is demotivating. It scares off talent.