German Approach
Germans are intelligent and well-informed. They seek out topics which lead to lively debate. And since this means a difference of opinions, Germans often choose topics considered to be controversial. Patterns
American Approach
Americans avoid any tension which could damage a personal or working relationship. They seek out commonalities, look for reasons to connect, not separate. It’s difficult to argue about the weather. Patterns
American View
Americans have the impression that Germans seek out controversial topics in order to provoke. In many cases, Americans feel insulted, for the German approach often leads to criticism of America and Americans, their society, politics, their very way of life.
When that happens, the relationship has been damaged and it is very difficult to un-do it. Making things worse, some Americans will then report it to friends and colleagues, warning them about contact with „those opinionated Germans.“
German View
The American inclination to discuss safe topics is often misinterpreted by Germans as being superficial. To the Germans, for whom intelligence, deep thinking, even brooding, is important, superficiality is considered to be a character flaw.
Germans are disappointed when the discussion involves what they call non-topics. They feel that an opportunity has been lost: to debate, compare and contrast, to learn from each other.
Advice to Germans
Develop a sense for which topics in America are considered controversial. There are many of them. Choose very carefully with whom, when and how you address them.
Bring them up indirectly. Ask Americans what they think. If asked, state your opinion diplomatically. Seek dialogue, not debate. If you want to make your statement, perhaps phrase it as a question.
And remember, Americans and Germans have different definitions of patriotism. Germans are still skeptical and critical about their Germanness. Many refer to themselves more as Europeans than as Germans.
Americans are also critical of their country, their government, are quite aware of their problems. But it is one thing when Americans debate among themselves and quite another thing when an outsider does it.
Americans have a personal relationship with their country. Criticism of America is criticism of Americans.
Advice to Americans
Remember, Germans separate between substance and person. Vigorous intellectual give and take on controversial topics is not personal.
In fact, it is one way in which the Germans demonstrate respect for America and Americans. It means that they take your point of view and America seriously.
So, engage with the Germans. Help them to understand the American viewpoint. And put some effort into understanding their point of view. It’s well worth it.