small talk – Page 2 – understand-culture

Germans aren’t big on Small Talk

When my German girlfriend came here to New York years ago, she told me, “you are not going to believe this! I sat down at a cafe, and the waitress said ‘how are you?’ She didn’t even know me!” (a comment on YouTube)

So that’s why Germans are good at stuff, no bullshit, straight to the point. (another comment on YouTube)

This is by far my favourite episode right now. The lady with the grey sweater is HILARIOUS, she made me laugh out loud. But hey, why should we do small talk anyway? It’s a British concept and people are not obliged to conform themselves ! (yet another comment)

Interesting. Very insightful and helpful. I find that Germans sometimes feel uncomfortable talking with strangers. It appears to be the case in your video as well. But also it seems that the longer you talk to them the more comfortable and open they become. I suppose this is true anywhere you go but Germans appear to be a bit less interested in small talk. So I think persistence pays off when trying to start a conversation with Germans. (a great comment … persistence!)

More False Friends

Deutsche Welle – Languages borrow words from each other all the time. But if the meaning gets changed along the way, things can get pretty confusing. Meet the Germans presenter Rachel Stewart takes a look at some more English words that have been given a new meaning in Germany.

Rachel is on a mission to investigate the idiosyncrasies of daily life in Germany. Every two weeks she explores a new topic – from beer to nudity to complicated grammar.

Rachel moved from the UK to Germany in 2016. As a relative newcomer she casts a fresh eye over German clichés and shares her experiences of settling into German life. You’ll find more from Meet the Germans on YouTube or at dw.com/MeettheG

English words used wrongly

Deutsche Welle – There are lots of English words the Germans use wrongly. A German “Public Viewing” is great fun. An English public viewing? Not so much. These are typical false friends.

Rachel Stewart takes a look at some English words that have taken on a whole new meaning in Germany. Rachel is on a mission to investigate the idiosyncrasies of daily life in Germany. Every two weeks she explores a new topic – from beer to nudity to complicated grammar.

Rachel moved from the UK to Germany in 2016. As a relative newcomer she casts a fresh eye over German clichés and shares her experiences of settling into German life.

German compound words

This video is pure genius. It gives superb examples of how the German language enables one to communicate very complex emotions in just one word, typically a compound of two or more words.

Futterneid. Kummerspeck. Luftschloss. Lebensmüde. Schadenfreude. The list goes on and on. Talk to your German colleagues about this. You’ll love the conversation.

German Humor meets American Mentality

This from German Science Comedian Vince Ebert:

A comment: “A German compliment sounds like this (and I quote my brother): “You look fat in that dress, but great dress!”

Another comment: “In the U.S., we have a satirical News outlet called The Onion that writes fake stories to make fun of our culture and government. In Germany, I’ve heard their version of this is a website called Stupidipedia that’s a satirical version of Wikipedia, that’s full of fake, interconnected information. They made a whole encyclopedia as a joke. The Germans do in fact have a sense of humor, its just over-engineered like everything else in Germany.”

“What the hell were you thinking killing all of the Native Americans?”

An interesting comment: “The smoking areas on train station platforms are actually more helping to concentrate the cigarette waste in one place so it’s easier to clean, that’s why I like this system. It’s meant to keep smoke from non-smokers but whatever. It has working benefits.”

One cliché after another. The German people have a wonderful sense of humor.

Comic Con

One way that Americans move quickly from small to big talk is holding events centered around a common theme. These themes can be anything from the Information in Engineering Conference to MerCon (a mermaid-themed conference). At these conferences, it’s customary for people to only use a little small talk, then quickly segue into big talk based on the conference theme.

One of the best known examples of one of these events is Comic Con.

The first Comic Con was held in San Diego in 1970, when a group of comic and science fiction fans decided to showcase some of their favorite comic books and other forms of popular art.

The one day event was such a large success, attracting about 100 people, that its founders decided to throw a three day convention later that year (which attracted over 300 people).

Over the decades, Comic Cons have become so popular that they can be found all over the world, and some of the bigger events can have more than 200,000 people in attendance.

Reasons for Small Talk

If you type into Google „reasons for small talk“ or „why small talk“ or „purpose of small talk“, it will respond with numerous links to people – experts and amateurs – who typically state anywhere between five and ten reasons.

Small talk: Signals the mood of the other person; finds topics of common ground; fills in a communication vacuum; establishes trust; is a possible introduction to big talk topics; identifies issues which might be too sensitive to address; can communicate interest, care, even affection; allows one to overcome their own shyness.

But what about introverts, those who prefer to discuss topics of substance?

Find Commonalities

In his book Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion, American psychology and marketing professor Robert Beno Cialdini lists likability as one of the 6 key principles of influence.

And a way to get people to like you, Cialdini argues, is to “rapidly seek out commonalities” with that person. Moreover, the connection doesn’t have to be unique or meaningful – a shared interest in sports or a similar vacation location are both sufficient to help make someone like you.

Small talk allows people to find commonalities quickly, and thus to have influence over each other right from the beginning.

Informal. Unimportant.

MerriamWebster tells us that small talk is: informal, friendly conversation about unimportant topics. It is light, casual conversation. „They made small talk while waiting for the meeting to start.“

Or „At the corporate get-together we made the obligatory small talk with some people from the home office.“ First known use 1751. Synonyms: backchat, cackle, chatter, chitchat, gab, gossop, natter, palaver, table talk.

Facebook. The world’s largest social media space. Small talk on a global scale. A business model. Quintessentially American.

Gift of gab

In his post on Forbes online – Six Reasons Small Talk Is Very Important and How To Get Better At It – Brett Nelson writes:

„Whether getting a job, working with colleagues, winning new clients, entertaining existing ones, all of it requires small talk. You better have the gift of gab.“

He then quotes from How To Get A Job On Wall Street, written by Scott Hoover, Associate Professor of Finance at Washington and Lee University: “In trying to generate business, the deal pitch is obviously critical. What is not so obvious is that simple, seemingly innocuous conversation with potential clients can be just as important. Companies want to hire people who can think on their feet.”

MerriamWebster defines gab as: to talk a lot in an informal way usually about things that are not important or serious; to talk in a rapid or thoughtless manner. First know use 1786. Synonyms: babble, blab, cackle, chatter, chat, jabber, rattle, run on, schmooze, talk, twitter.