When typing in „advice“ into amazon(dot)com – USA – roughly 140,000 books are listed. When inputting Ratgeber (literally advice-givers) into amazon(dot)de – Germany – about 640,000 books are listed.
There 320 million people in the U.S. In Germany there are 80 million. The American population is four times larger than the German. However, there are four times more books written in Germany on giving advice than in the U.S.
The Germans give advice and the Germans take advice.
What is a friend?
MerriamWebster online writes: a person who you like and enjoy being with; a person who helps or supports someone or something; one attached to another by affection or esteem; a favored companion.
Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free. First Known Use: before 12th century. Among its synonyms are alter ego, amgo, buddy, chum, compadre. comrade, confidant, crony, familiar, intimate, pal.
What is a Freund?
dwds(dot)de writes: Vertrauter, someone you can trust; jemandem innerlich verbundener Mensch, a person who is especially close to another. Old High German (8th Century) vriunt, friend, next closest, mate, relative.
This is not the place to address how Americans and Germans diverge in the understanding of friend, friendship, what it means to be a friend. But here is a thought:
Is it not the true friend who has your best interests in mind, and therefore is willing to risk the loss of your friendship in order to convey a message which is painfully important for you to hear?
Formulated differently: What true friend, who sees that you are on the wrong path, would not speak to you about it?
Comments: “They become weak and then they become American.” … “My mom says “geh mit Gott aber geh” (Go with God, but go)” … “My mother is German, and as a child when I would get upset over something she would say to me, “YOU AMERICANS ARE SO SENSITIVE!” *my father is American. I grew up in the states lol” … “We only miss people when they die.” A bit harsh, but thats the German way.”
German team leads have an impersonal, business-like relationship with their team members. They maintain emotional distance from the team in order to guaranty neutrality and fairness. Especially when providing feedback on performance do they focus on results and not on the person.
This sachlich – impersonal, neutral, business-like – approach can be observed in the personal interaction between manager and team. When providing feedback German team leads are reserved, unemotional, their body language limited to a handshake. Neutrality is the key.
Whether discussing past performance or formulating new goals, the Germans focus on the facts, ideally on what is measurable. A discussion about development addresses professional skills and less so personal development. Critique is communicated in a respectful and serious way. Humour is considered disrespectful and unprofessional.
If the feedback discussion includes criticism, German managers strive to be particularly neutral, unemotional, fact-oriented. This reduces the potential for an escalation of emotions. The two parties should focus on performance. The discussion is impersonal and objective.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe’s dramas, such as Torquato Tasso and Iphigenie auf Tauris, are notable for their exploration of conflict through rational dialogue and the pursuit of objective truth. Characters in these works often engage in intense intellectual or ethical debates, but the disagreements remain focused on principles or duties, not personal animosity. The emphasis is on the matter at hand—be it justice, truth, or duty—rather than on personal feelings.
Germans believe that if a person does not have anything valuable to offer in a given discussion then it is better that they say nothing at all – die Klappe halten.
Klappe is a cover, lid, flap. Halten is to hold or keep shut. Germans do not consider it to be impolite if in a discussion one or more people say little or nothing. Seldom do they ask, prompt or summon those who are silent to participate.
To talk about the weather in the German context means to talk about nothing of importance, to have a meaningless conversation, to be superficial. It is a signal to both parties that they have nothing to say to each other. It‘s embarrassing for both.
In the series Tannbach (Line of Separation), Liesbeth Erler and her son Friedrich are depicted navigating the aftermath of World War II in a divided Germany. They face intense political and ethical disagreements within their community and families, yet strive to keep personal relationships intact despite ideological divides. The narrative shows characters arguing fiercely about substance—politics, survival, collaboration—but continuing to live and work together as neighbors and family members.
Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei (The Edukators, 2004). This film centers on three young activists who break into wealthy homes to make political statements. The trio often debate and even argue intensely about their ideals, strategies, and personal motivations. Despite heated disagreements, their personal relationships persist, showing how Germans can separate ideological or professional disputes from personal bonds.
Max Weber – The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism (1905). Though a sociological work, Weber’s analysis of rationalization and the rise of bureaucracy in German (and Western) society underpins the German approach to work and feedback. He describes a culture in which professional roles are defined by rational, impersonal rules, and performance is assessed objectively, not emotionally.
Heinrich Mann – Der Untertan (The Loyal Subject, 1918). This satirical novel examines the German tendency toward authority and order. The protagonist’s rise through the ranks is marked by strict adherence to performance expectations and formal evaluations, with little room for personal sentiment in professional interactions.