Awards in the American culture are omnipresent, ubiquitous – everywhere. A critical, and self-critical, discussion has begun. It is small, but growing. Many in the U.S. believe that there is too much praised given, often when not earned, often inflated.
The fear is that generations of Americans are being raised with unrealistic expectations, with an inaccurate estimation of themselves, of their abilities. The danger is that these generations will become frustrated, angry, or even worse, not willing to work as hard as is needed in order to succeed.
A growing number of Americans are no longer willing to call things great, super, fantastic, awesome, or amazing. They do not believe that schools systems should give grades higher than what is statistically possible, such as higher than a 4.0, which is equivalent to an A or a 1.0.
In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People (published in 1936 with more than fifteen million copies) the famous American businessman Dale Carnegie made the following statements which have been taken to heart by generations of Americans:
“Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.”
“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”
“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”
“I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument — and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”
“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
According to Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson, authors of the book Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage, American culture is solidarity-based – which means that it is based on creating a sense of equality and belonging. It is because of this that Americans seek to find a way to compliment each other for very basic things – to form bonds and a sense of belonging.
Additionally, in 1981, Nessa Wolfson published a study on the use of compliments in various cultures, and her assessment of American complimenting culture, where compliments are “as cheap as chips,” was that “the most striking feature of compliments in American English is their total lack of originality.”
Wolfson wrote that 23% of American compliments include the word “nice,” 20% include “good,” and 54% follow the pattern: “noun/phrase is/looks (really) adjective.”
“I like criticism, but it must be my way.” Mark Twain in his Autobiography
“I don’t mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don’t tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.” Mark Twain, 1879
Modern standard sizes for women’s clothing first began in the 1940s in the U.S. However, women preferred smaller sizes, so over the course of the next several decades, the fashion industry began downsizing its sizes, so that a 16 in the 1940s was a 12 in the 1960s and a 6 in recent times.
Thanks to this downsizing there is also a large discrepancy between American and European sizes – an American size 10 is equivalent to a British 14.
It is difficult for Americans to see the relationship between team lead to team member as anything but personal. This for three reasons.
“Your success is my success.” Every American team-lead thinks this, and often says this, to their team members. For it is literally true. The team lead’s success or failure is dependent on her team’s success or failure. Co-dependence is by definition personal.
An American team lead sees himself as coach, mentor, in some cases perhaps even as friend. Each of these roles – in sports, education, relationships – is deeply personal.
Finally, Americans consider it to be next to impossible to have a working relationship between lead and team which is purely business, objective, impersonal. In fact, Americans would not want to work in such an atmosphere. In the U.S. feedback talks, both formal and informal, are personal.
But, in Germany, also. The approach, the logic, the shared operating assumptions are different, however. The more objective, impersonal and neutral the feedback, the more accurate, fair, therefore helpful it is.
“I want you to succeed. Therefore, I will be as clear, analytical and precise as possible.” The German team lead seeks to take herself and the working relationship out of the equation. The focus is on what the company is trying to achieve and the team member’s important role within it. This is neither about her as lead or about their personal relationship.
Team leads are also expected to defend the team against criticism, whether internal or external. The lead is „out in front“, shielding the team from attack, „taking personal ownership“ of the problems. An American team lead does this also out of self-interest. For any and all criticism of the team is direct criticism of that team lead. „Your success is my success“ has an opposite. „Your failure is my failure.“
To „take ownership means“ to take responsibility for one’s actions; not blaming others. To „take the heat“ means to listen and accept criticism or blame. Take „the bull by the horns“ means to confront a problem head-on, as it is, and deal with it openly.
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”, John Quincy Adams – America‘s sixth president, 1825-1829.
“No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit for doing it.”, Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919), an American industrialist who led the expansion of the American steel industry in the late 19th century and who was one of the highest profile philanthropists of his era, whose 1889-article on wealth remains a major advisory for those who aspire to lead philanthropic lives.
Herb Brooks – coached the American men’s ice hockey team in the1980 Olympic Games when they won against the Soviet Union, who had won almost every world championship and Olympic hockey tournament since 1954. Inspirational quote: “You were born to be a player. You were meant to be here. This moment is yours.”
Tommy Lasorda – managed four All-Star games, and led the Los Angeles Dodgers to 8 National League West titles, 4 National League pennants, and 2 World Series championships. Inspirational quote: “The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man’s determination.”
Vince Lombardi – head coach and general manager of the Green Bay Packers. He led the team to 3 NFL championships and victories at the first two Super Bowls. Inspirational quote: “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”
John Madden – became the youngest head coach in the American Football League in 1969 at age 33, and led Oakland to 7 AFC Western Division titles and a victory over Minnesota in Super Bowl XI. Inspirational quote: “When the going goes tough, you don’t quit. And you don’t fold up. And you don’t go in the other direction.”
Bill Russell – first as a player, then later as a player-coach, he led the Celtics to 11 championships. Inspirational quote: “The most important part of winning is joy. You can win without joy, but winning that’s joyless is like eating in a four-star restaurant when you’re not hungry. Joy is a current of energy in your body, like chlorophyll or sunlight, that fills you up and makes you naturally want to do your best.”
Bill Walsh – nicknamed “The Genius,” coached the 49ers to 3 Super Bowl wins and was named coach of the year twice. Inspirational quote: “Failure is part of success, an integral part. Everybody gets knocked down. Knowing it will happen and what you must do when it does is the first step back.”
Americans value public recognition. To be recognized in the presence of peers, customers, friends, family brings real satisfaction. And it takes place on a daily basis in the U.S.
In schools, at the worksplace, in sports, politics and business. Americans track the ups, the downs, who’s winning, who’s losing. The more quantifiable, the better. Statistics. Rankings. Percentages.
It can be comical. It can be inflationary. In some cases, it has become a bit absurd. But it speaks to both the importance and the form of feedback in American society. Americans are motivated by recognition, given in public.
Acknowledgement: recognition or favorable notice of an act or achievement.
Encouragement: the expression of approval or admiration for someone or something; the expression of respect and gratitude. From Old French preisier ‘to prize, praise,” from Latin pretium ‘price.’
Positive thinking: The act of thinking good or affirmative thoughts. Many people engage in structured positive thinking to rid themselves of depressing, unhealthy, negative thoughts. It’s based on the idea that the mind can affect the body. It is a way of enhancing health without the use of drugs.
There are 27,978 book search results under the search term “positive thinking” on Amazon.com, including “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey, and “The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter, & Miracles” by Bruce H. Lipton.
Napoleon Hill (1883-1970) – one of the first writers of personal success literature, the author of “Think and Grow Rich” (1937, 20 million copies sold), and an advisor to President Franklin Roosevelt – once said:
“Your mind has a secret invisible talisman. On one side is emblazoned the letters PMA – positive mental attitude and on the other the letters NMA – negative mental attitude. A positive attitude will naturally attract the good and the beautiful. The negative attitude will rob you of all that makes life worth living. Your success, health, happiness, and wealth depend on how you make up your mind.”
Motivation: The reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way; the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.
There are 32,346 book results under “motivation” on Amazon.com. Popular titles include “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us” by Daniel H. Pink, “100 Ways to Motivate Yourself, Change Your Life Forever” by Steve Chandler and “Creating the Perfect Lifestyle – Success, Achievement, Motivation, Oprah Winfrey and Tony Robbins” by Oli Hille.