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Friendship Like Water

In the Zhuangzi, Confucius asks why, in his years of trouble, his friends have drifted away and his disciples have scattered. He is told that those joined by profit abandon each other in hardship, while those joined by nature take each other in.

“The friendship of a gentleman is plain as water. The friendship of a petty man is sweet as sweet wine. The gentleman is plain and so stays close. The petty man is sweet and so breaks off.” (君子之交淡若水，小人之交甘若醴)

“Those who come together without a reason,” the passage says, “part without a reason.”

Danone and Wahaha

On May 9, 2007, the French food group Danone filed eight arbitration claims against its Chinese partner Wahaha at the Stockholm Chamber of Commerce. On September 30, 2009, the two sides announced a settlement. Danone sold its 51 percent stake in their joint ventures for 3 billion yuan and left Wahaha.

Wahaha’s founder Zong Qinghou later said that the company had not understood what trademarks and brands meant, so that its growth “fell into a trap carefully laid by Danone.”

Die Wronged Rather Than Sue

饿死不讨米，屈死不告状 Starve to death rather than beg for rice. Die wronged rather than file a lawsuit.

衙门口，朝南开，有理没钱莫进来 The yamen gate faces south. With reason but no money, do not come in.

A columnist cited both old sayings in 2024 to explain a long fear of the cost and the unfairness of going to court.

Xiang Bo Rides by Night

Before the banquet at Hongmen, Xiang Yu planned to attack his rival Liu Bang. Xiang Bo, Xiang Yu’s uncle, “had long been on good terms” with Zhang Liang, who was serving Liu Bang. Xiang Bo “rode by night to Liu Bang’s camp, privately saw Zhang Liang and told him everything.” He urged his friend to come away with him and not die along with Liu Bang. (Records of the Grand Historian)

Zhang Liang took the news to Liu Bang. When Liu Bang asked how he knew Xiang Bo, Zhang Liang explained: “In the Qin days he was my companion. Xiang Bo killed a man, and I saved his life.”

Entering the Room

In the Analects, Confucius says of his disciple Zilu: “You has ascended to the hall, but he has not yet entered the inner room.” (由也升堂矣，未入于室也) The idiom 登堂入室, to ascend the hall and enter the room, describes reaching a high level. The Handian dictionary adds that it can also mean receiving a master’s teaching in depth.

An 入室弟子, a disciple of the inner room, is one who has received the master’s true teaching. The dictionary’s example comes from the Book of Jin, about the scholar Yang Ke: “Even students who received his instruction could not speak with him in person unless they were disciples of the inner room.”

Song Jiang’s Warning

In chapter 18 of the Water Margin, in its 100-chapter version, the county clerk Song Jiang learns that his friend Chao Gai is to be arrested. He tells the arresting officer that this official business “must not be leaked lightly to anyone.” Then he leaves the officer waiting in a teahouse and gallops off to warn Chao Gai. “He and I are bound heart and belly,” Chao Gai tells the others. “He is my sworn brother.”

In chapter 20, Chao Gai, now the leader at Liangshan, sends Liu Tang with a letter and a hundred taels of gold, to thank Song Jiang for saving their lives. Song Jiang keeps the letter and takes one bar of the gold.

Hu Shi’s Mother

In his memoir Self-Account at Forty (四十自述), the scholar Hu Shi wrote that his mother never scolded him with a single word or struck him once in front of others. When he did wrong, she only looked at him, and her stern look was enough to frighten him. For a small fault, she waited until the next morning, when he woke, to teach him.

For a serious fault, she waited until night, when all was quiet, and closed the door. She first reproached him and then punished him. He had to kneel, or she pinched him. However heavy the punishment, he was never allowed to cry aloud. “She did not teach her son in order to vent her anger for others to hear.”

The Vocabulary of Owing

欠情 To owe feeling. To have received a kindness and not yet repaid it. In The Plum in the Golden Vase, a man greets another: “I have owed you feeling for a long time and have not come to see you, brother.”

领情 To receive feeling. To accept a gift or a kindness and feel grateful for it.

回礼 To return a courtesy. To answer a gift or a greeting with one of one’s own.

雪中送炭 To send charcoal in the snow. To help someone in urgent need. A Ming story sets it against 锦上添花, adding flowers to brocade: “There is only adding flowers to brocade. Where is there sending charcoal in the snow?”

Su Qin Repays His Debts

When Su Qin set out for Yan as a poor man, he borrowed a hundred coins. Years later he was chief minister of six states. The Records of the Grand Historian says that he repaid the lender with a hundred gold and “repaid everyone who had ever shown him kindness.”

One follower received nothing and came forward to ask. Su Qin said: “I have not forgotten you. When you came with me to Yan, you wanted to leave me again and again by the Yi River. At that time I was in trouble, so I resented you deeply. That is why I put you last. Now you will receive yours too.”

Sayings on Time and Trust

路遥知马力，日久见人心 A long road shows a horse’s strength. A long time shows a person’s heart. The saying appears in a Yuan play, The Fight to Repay Kindness (争报恩).

信用 Credit, trustworthiness. The Handian dictionary defines it as “the trust gained by keeping one’s promises.” Its example: “He is a person who keeps his word. Since he said he would help, he will surely help.”