Reciprocal Obligation Archives - understand-culture

Liu Laolao Repays

In chapter 39 of Dream of the Red Chamber, the poor country woman Liu Laolao comes back to the Jia mansion, where she was once given twenty taels of silver. She brings dates, squash and wild greens. “This year we harvested two more shi of grain, and the melons and vegetables did well. These are the first ones picked. We did not dare sell them. We kept the best for the ladies to taste.”

In chapter 119 of the 120-chapter edition, the family has fallen. Wang Xifeng’s daughter Qiaojie is about to be promised to a foreign vassal. Liu Laolao, her godmother, is announced at the back gate. She offers to take the girl to her village and hide her there.

Gift Ledgers

In 1996, the scholar Shang Huipeng described wedding gifts in eastern Henan in the journal Sociological Studies. “Every family holding a wedding also has a detailed account book. It records the names of the givers and the kind and amount of the gifts, so that they can be repaid later.” The ledger, he wrote, “ensures that this savings will not be forgotten.”

Writing about gifts in Dream of the Red Chamber, the scholar Deng Yunxiang described a similar record, the lizhang (礼账). One of its purposes was “for checking when returning gifts. How much the other side sent, and how much to send when the other side has an occasion.”

The Burden of Gift Money

In October 2023, the social survey center of the China Youth Daily reported a survey of 1,000 young people on suifenzi (随份子), the gift money given at weddings and other occasions. 93.2 percent said that giving it was a burden. 50.2 percent said people should dare to say no to high sums. 45.7 percent said closeness should no longer be measured by the size of the gift.

46.1 percent said the custom had gone sour and should be abolished. 33.6 percent said it was a blessing and should be kept.

Emotional Investment

In 2016, China’s Supreme People’s Court and Supreme People’s Procuratorate issued an interpretation of the law on bribery. It covers an official who accepts property worth 30,000 yuan or more from a subordinate or from someone under the official’s administration. If the gift “may affect the exercise of official power,” it is treated as a promise to seek a benefit for the giver.

The rule applies even when the giver has never asked for anything. A law professor writing in The Paper named what it targets: the so-called 感情投资, “emotional investment.”

Su Qin Repays His Debts

When Su Qin set out for Yan as a poor man, he borrowed a hundred coins. Years later he was chief minister of six states. The Records of the Grand Historian says that he repaid the lender with a hundred gold and “repaid everyone who had ever shown him kindness.”

One follower received nothing and came forward to ask. Su Qin said: “I have not forgotten you. When you came with me to Yan, you wanted to leave me again and again by the Yi River. At that time I was in trouble, so I resented you deeply. That is why I put you last. Now you will receive yours too.”

Gifts and Renqing in Xiajia

The anthropologist Yan Yunxiang did fieldwork in Xiajia, a village in Heilongjiang. As The Paper summarizes his finding, a gift “creates a spiritual bond between the giver and the receiver, which the villagers call renqing (人情).”

An Old Student Repays Three Times

In the Ming story An Old Student Repays a Favor Over Three Generations (老门生三世报恩), the examiner Kuai prefers young candidates. Three times, without meaning to, he passes the same old man, Xianyu Tong. Xianyu passes the provincial examination at fifty-seven and the metropolitan examination at sixty-one.

Xianyu later clears Kuai’s son of a false charge. “This only repays a little of my teacher’s kindness,” he says. “I still owe much feeling.” He then keeps Kuai’s grandson at his official residence to study and gives him three hundred taels. Kuai thinks: “Plant thorns and get thorns. Plant peach and plum trees and get shade.”

Courtesy Values Reciprocity

礼尚往来 Propriety values going and coming. The line comes from the Book of Rites: “The highest value is virtue. Next comes giving and repaying. Propriety values going and coming. To give and receive nothing back is against propriety. To receive and give nothing back is also against propriety.”

Today the phrase is used for gifts and favors, and also for answering a person in kind.

Selling a Favor

人情 Human feeling. Also a favor, or a gift. 做个人情, to do someone a favor.

卖人情 To sell a favor. To do someone a good turn on purpose, so that they feel grateful. A dictionary gives the example: “If you sell him a favor today, he will surely repay you in the future.”

人情世故 Human feeling and the ways of the world. The knowledge of how to deal with people.

Gift Money

At a Chinese wedding, guests give gift money, a custom called 随份子. A commentary published in Chinese media in September 2026 described its logic. Gift money “has taken on a kind of contractual character.” A guest gives now so as to receive “an equal return gift from the other side” at their own wedding in the future. “From this angle, it is even like an interest-free loan.”

The same piece reported that the city of Shangluo in Shaanxi had issued reference limits on gift money: no more than 100 yuan in the countryside and 200 yuan in the city.