Unsolicited Advice

Germans give unsolicited advice. Usually it is in the form of criticism. In most cases the criticism is accurate and helpful. Some Germans simply want to show that they know better. Most Germans, however, just want to be helpful. Examples

Unsolicited Advice

German Approach

Germans give unsolicited advice. Usually it is criticism. In most cases the criticism is accurate and helpful. Some Germans simply want to show that they know better. Most Germans just want to be helpful. Examples

American Approach

Americans seldom give colleagues unsolicited advice. Even then, depending on how sensitive the topic is, they will communicate their advice in carefully worded language. Examples

American View

Unsolicited advice from Germans – or from anyone – can come across to Americans as arrogant, presumptious and even personally insulting. They think to themselves: „Who asked you for your opinion?“ It can damage the working relationship.

German View

From the German perspective, Americans seem to be irritated and insulted rather quickly. They have difficulty accepting helpful advice, which can be interpreted as arrogance.

Advice to Germans

Be very careful when giving advice to Americans without having been asked. Unsolicited advice,  which typically is negative, can be highly insulting to Americans.

It can be perceived as a direct challenge to their understanding of their personal freedom. Look for opportunities to indirectly approach the subject. Observe how the other person reacts. Approximate your way closer to the subject. This is an iterative process. 

Advice to Americans

Be ready to get unsolicited advice from your German colleagues. Do your best not to be insulted or angy. Listen carefully to the substance of the advice. Pay less attention to the personal part of the relationship.

Operate on the assumption that your German colleague has your best interests in mind. You will then realize that you are getting first-rate advice and at no cost to you. In fact, you‘ll see that you have someone – or even several people – „watching your back.“

“Who are you?!“

Many Americans are the descendants of people who left their homes to escape what they considered to be imposing or coercive laws in their native countries. As such, they’ve been raised to consider any interference (even unsolicited, but well-meaning, advice) as an attack on their freedom as Americans.

This in the sense of: ;„Who are you to tell me how to live? This is America. A free country. I can live the way I want! Americans are very fearful of one group in the U.S. dictating to another how they should live.

coerce: to restrain or dominate by force; to compel to an act or choice; to achieve by force or threat. Middle English cohercen. Anglo-French cohercer. Latin coercēre, to shut up, enclose. Synonyms: force, compel, constrain, dragoon, drive, impel, impress, make, muscle, obligate, oblige, pressure.

Definition of advice

MerriamWebster online defines advice as: a recommendation regarding a decision or course of conduct as in „he shall have power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to make treaties (United States Constitution); information or notice given; an official notice concerning a business transaction.

Examples of advice: My advice is to sell your old car and get a new one; take my advice and sell your old car; He needs advice from an expert; She’s been giving him some expert advice about investing; “May I ask your advice about something?” “Certainly. I’m always happy to give advice when asked for it.

Middle English avis, advis view, opinion, from Anglo-French, from the Old French phrase ce m’est a vis that appears to me, part translation of Latin mihi visum est it seemed so to me, I decided. First Known Use: 14th century.

Interestingly, see the synonyms MerriamWebster lists for advice. Adjuration: a solemn oath; an earnest urging or advising. Admonish: to speak to someone in a way that expresses disapproval or criticism; to tell or urge someone to do something. Admonition: a criticism or warning about behavior.

In other words, advice can be received as solemn, earnest (heartfelt, conerned) help or as disapproval, criticism, even as a warning.

Mean

An uncut scene from Bridesmaids where Kristen Wiig and the teenager argue in the jewelry store. This is improv at its best! Who says Americans can get in each other’s face?

YouTube comments:

“This girl was only 14 when she held her own with a professional comedian for 10 minutes.”

“Kristen Wiig is an absolute improv genius and not afraid to set herself up as the punching bag for the little girl.”

“They clearly were having way too much fun with this scene. Mia starts to smile too much because it’s such a joy to go so unhinged on somebody. The director probably said to go in there and completely go off on her but don’t overlap lines so we can edit. The editors probably had too much fun with this scene too. Can you blame any of them?”

“Props to Kristen but that girl annihilated her.”

come across as a command

Giving advice to someone is not as simple as just telling them what to do, especially in an intercultural situation where more sensitivity needs to be applied.  The problem is that if the advice you give is too direct it can come across as a command. What if you haven’t understood the situation correctly or completely, and your advice is no good? The person seeking your advice needs ‘an out’ – a way that they can reject your advice, or reformulate their request for advice without losing face – or causing you to lose face!

Lieber Armin Laschet

Bitte nicht immer “wir müssen” sagen, sondern eher “wir werden alles unternehmen, dass wir … erreichen”. Mehr zupackend argumentieren, der klare Wille muss bei den Menschen ankommen. Danke.

Please don’t always say “we must”, but instead more like “we will do everything possible, so that we … achieve more.” Argue more dynamically. Get across clear determination and willpower. Thanks.

That was the advice given by a German professor for information security and data privacy. As a comment on an article in LinkedIn.

Armin Laschet, the Premier (think governor) of Germany’s most populous state, Northrhine Westphalia, is the Christian Democratic Union – CDU (think Adenauer, Kohl, Merkel) chancellor candidate in the September 2021 federal elections in Germany.

Jesse Owens and Lutz Long

Berlin, 1936, the Olympic Games. The great American track and field athlete, Jesse Owens, wins the gold medal in the 100 meters, the 200 meters, the 4×100 meters, as well as in the long jump.

What many people don’t know, however, is that the silver medalist in the long jump, the German Carl Ludwig “Lutz” Long, had given Owens the kind of advice that only a true colleague, and friend, would give.

Going into the 1936 games Long had been the reigning German champion and holder of the European record. The Nazi hierarchy – and the German people – had anticipated gold for Germany.

In the qualification round Owens had fouled twice in a row by stepping on the white board delineating the jump-off point. A third foul would have disqualified him. Jesse Owens would have failed to advance to the final round. The crowd, the millions listening by radio, and especially Owens himself, were unsettled.

After that second fault, Lutz Long walked over to his competitor and advised him to simply imagine the foul line to be located one foot closer than it actually was, saying that he just had to avoid fouling a third time, and that his third jump would easily be enough to advance to the next round.

Some sources claim that Long went so far as to lay down his white towel marketing where Owens should leap from, ensuring that he would not foul a third time.

Jesse Owens took the advice given to him by that German, advancing to the final round, and then setting a record which would hold for decades. Lutz Long took the silver.

Immediately after the medal ceremony, when Owens and Long stepped off the podium – and in full view of Adolf Hitler and many of the highest ranking National Socialist officials – Lutz Long, the German, smiled, shook hands with Owens, then hooked Jesse’s right arm into his left and proceeded to walk with him around the track, smiling, talking, congratulating.

1936. Tensions in Europe were very high. The German regime was espousing a crude racial theory. And in the United States, an African-American like Jesse Owens was treated as a second-class citizen, at best. With the world watching, and in conscious defiance of his own government, Lutz Long, a German, reached out to his archrival to give a small bit of helpful advice. Unsolicited.

Postscript: After the 1936 Olympic Games Jesse Owens was celebrated triumphantly in the U.S., only then to be forgotten for two decades, and to struggle financially, until the 1950s brought him a presidential appointment as American Ambassador of Goodwill by Dwight Eisenhower, and with it lucrative celebrity endorsements as well as a long, healthy, happy life. Lutz Long, his German friend, died in battle against the Western Allies in Italy at the age of thirty.

“You could melt down all of the medals and cups I have and they wouldn’t be a plating for the twenty-four carat friendship I felt for Lutz Long at that moment.” Jesse Owens

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