Comments: “They become weak and then they become American.” … “My mom says “geh mit Gott aber geh” (Go with God, but go)” … “My mother is German, and as a child when I would get upset over something she would say to me, “YOU AMERICANS ARE SO SENSITIVE!” *my father is American. I grew up in the states lol” … “We only miss people when they die.” A bit harsh, but thats the German way.”
Bringing back directness
Texas trial lawyer Jefferson Fisher comes from the land of bless-your-heart politeness but says pleasantries threaten workplace culture.
“There’s this tendency to tiptoe around the heart of the matter,” he says. “It’s not going to go well for you over time, and you’re going to find that people will trust you less.”
In the future, offices could become even more passive-aggressive, unless we practice the art of disagreement. The Wall Street Journal spoke with Fisher, author of “The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More,” about how to bring directness back to the workplace.
Advice-givers advice
There are hundreds of American advice-givers on the web. Let’s read what they write about unsolicited advice:
“Your opinion is valuable, your advice even more precious. So, save it. Keep it for yourself. Odds are, you need it more than I do. So, please don’t give that sh*t away, certainly not without even being asked.”
“Have a nice day,” said the mom to her teenage daughter; to which the daughter replied, `Motherrrr, will you pulleeeeze stop telling me what to do!´ I empathize with both parties in this old joke. Sometimes we get so overrun by unsolicited advice that even the most innocuous, benevolent advice becomes intolerable.”
“Unsolicited Advice: We’ve all received it at some point in our lives and we’ve all given it as well. In some few cases, if we didn’t know enough about the circumstance to ask for advice then we are appreciative if someone tells us – but those moments are few and far between. The majority of the time we feel that the other person is trying to take our own power away. We feel as if they believe that we are not capable of taking care of ourselves and knowing what we need.”
“Four tips on how to give unsolicited advice: 1. Rephrase your advice as your own personal experience. 2. To repeat: Keep your stories short and relevant. Most people’s attention span is a lot shorter than your speaking ability! 3. If you must give direct advice disguise it as “How I did it” or “How someone else did it”. 4. Accept that the recipient will reject or act on your advice at their own will and allow them their self motivation.”
Books on advice-giving
When typing in „advice“ into amazon(dot)com – USA – roughly 140,000 books are listed. When inputting Ratgeber (literally advice-givers) into amazon(dot)de – Germany – about 640,000 books are listed.
There 320 million people in the U.S. In Germany there are 80 million. The American population is four times larger than the German. However, there are four times more books written in Germany on giving advice than in the U.S.
The Germans give advice and the Germans take advice.
Friend. Freund.
What is a friend?
MerriamWebster online writes: a person who you like and enjoy being with; a person who helps or supports someone or something; one attached to another by affection or esteem; a favored companion.
Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free. First Known Use: before 12th century. Among its synonyms are alter ego, amgo, buddy, chum, compadre. comrade, confidant, crony, familiar, intimate, pal.
What is a Freund?
dwds(dot)de writes: Vertrauter, someone you can trust; jemandem innerlich verbundener Mensch, a person who is especially close to another. Old High German (8th Century) vriunt, friend, next closest, mate, relative.
This is not the place to address how Americans and Germans diverge in the understanding of friend, friendship, what it means to be a friend. But here is a thought:
Is it not the true friend who has your best interests in mind, and therefore is willing to risk the loss of your friendship in order to convey a message which is painfully important for you to hear?
Formulated differently: What true friend, who sees that you are on the wrong path, would not speak to you about it?
reasoned discourse
Thomas Mann’s essays, especially his Deutsche Ansprache. Ein Appell an die Vernunft (German Address. An Appeal to Reason), explicitly champion the idea of rational, objective debate as a cornerstone of German culture. Mann’s literary and public works often reflect his belief that German identity is rooted in a tradition of reasoned discourse, even in times of personal or national crisis. His approach exemplifies the separation of the personal (identity, emotion) from the professional or civic duty to engage in rational debate for the common good.
Hart aber Fair
Hart aber fair – Hard but Fair – is a very popular weekly 75-minute talkshow in Germany about political topics. The moderator, Frank Plasberg, and his guests take on especially current and controversial issues.
As the name of the show suggests the discussions are open, lively and controversial. The show is well prepared and well structured. Ideological speech-making is blocked. Facts and logical argumentation are critical.
Between five and six guests are invited representing politics, academia, non-governmental organizations as well as “the man or woman off the street.”
The guests are carefully selected to represent the specific sides of the argument. The show’s research staff provides background information during certain segments.
Doctor Faustus
In this reimagining of the Faust legend, the protagonist Adrian Leverkühn’s life as a composer is marked by a strict separation between his artistic (professional) pursuits and his personal relationships. The narrative delves into the costs of such compartmentalization, reflecting broader themes of German culture and intellectual life.
These novels use family, business, and societal settings to highlight the German tendency to address professional or ideological matters directly, while striving to keep personal relationships unaffected by such disputes.
entirely uninterested
Franz Kafka – Der Prozess (The Trial, 1925). Kafka’s portrayal of bureaucracy and impersonal authority highlights the cold, rational, and often emotionless nature of institutional feedback and evaluation. The protagonist is judged and processed by a system that is entirely uninterested in personal circumstances, focusing solely on procedural and performance-based criteria.
detachment
Characterization and Emotional Distance: Works like Thomas Mann’s Doctor Faustus use characters such as Adrian Leverkühn to embody a distinctly German form of emotional restraint and detachment. Leverkühn is portrayed as a brilliant but emotionally distant figure, unable to connect personally with others. This detachment is interpreted as a facet of the German character, emphasizing performance, discipline, and the suppression of personal feelings in favor of professional or artistic achievement.