In a representative survey by the digital association Bitkom in January 2021, one in four said they deliberately avoid showing their home on video calls. They use a background photo or a filter. More than half said they dress up for video conferences on purpose, even when working from home.
Discretion in the Ethics Class
A teaching unit in the journal Ethik & Unterricht (2/2013) asks pupils to work with Georg Simmel’s essay Psychologie der Diskretion of 1906. Simmel writes: So gibt es ein seelisches Privateigentum, in das einzudringen eine Lädierung des Ich in seinem Zentrum bedeutet. So there is a private property of the soul, and to intrude into it injures the self at its center. He names acquaintance as der eigentliche Sitz der »Diskretion«, the true seat of discretion. The pupils are asked to work out what consequences a lack of discretion has, in the author’s view.
The Niche
In 1983 the West German journalist Günter Gaus described the GDR as a Nischengesellschaft, a society of niches. The niche, he wrote, is the place where people leave politicians, planners, propagandists and das Kollektiv, the collective, behind them. There they water the potted plants with family and friends, wash the car, play cards and talk. Eine besonders wichtige tiefe Nische sind der Freundeskreis und die Gespräche, die in ihm geführt werden. A particularly important deep niche is the circle of friends and the conversations held within it.
Toni Erdmann
In Maren Ade’s film Toni Erdmann of 2016, Ines works in Bucharest on her career as a management consultant. Her father turns up as the invented figure Toni Erdmann and keeps stepping into her working life. At her birthday brunch, meant as team building, Ines declares the brunch a naked party. The film premiered in the competition at Cannes in 2016 and was nominated for an Oscar.
What the Work Reference Leaves Out
Every employee in Germany is entitled to an Arbeitszeugnis, a written work reference, on leaving a job. According to the union IG Metall, absences due to illness may not be mentioned if the employee does not want it. Membership in a union, work on the works council and parental leave may not appear in the reference either. The reason for leaving is mentioned only if the employee explicitly asks for it.
Everyone Has Secrets
In Die Metaphysik der Sitten of 1797, Immanuel Kant writes about friendship. A person feels a strong need to open up to others. But fear of misuse forces him to keep a good part of his judgments, above all about other people, locked inside himself. Ein jeder Mensch hat Geheimnisse und darf sich nicht blindlings Anderen anvertrauen. Every person has secrets and may not confide in others blindly. Moral friendship, Kant writes, ist das völlige Vertrauen zweier Personen in wechselseitiger Eröffnung ihrer geheimen Urteile und Empfindungen, is the complete trust of two persons in opening their secret judgments and feelings to each other. A confidant with these qualities is rare, Kant says, as rare as a black swan. Yet such moral friendship does exist now and then.
Do Not Talk Too Much About Yourself
Adolph Freiherr Knigge’s Über den Umgang mit Menschen, on dealing with people, first appeared in 1788. Knigge advises: Rede also nicht zu viel von Dir selber, außer in dem Zirkel Deiner vertrautesten Freunde. So do not talk too much about yourself, except in the circle of your most trusted friends. He gives two reasons for not being too open with people. The first is the fear of revealing one’s weakness and being misused. The second is that once people are used to being told everything, they zuletzt von jedem unsrer kleinsten Schritte Rechenschaft verlangen, end up demanding an account of our smallest steps.
The Mask of the Role
In 1924 the philosopher Helmuth Plessner published Grenzen der Gemeinschaft, the limits of community. He defended distance, tact and the Sehnsucht nach der Maske, the longing for the mask. German Wikipedia summarizes his idea of the mask. Through it a person becomes general and turns von der Privatperson zur Amtsperson, from a private person into an official person. Tact, in the same summary, dient der Entspannung unter Menschen, die man nicht kennt, eases things between people who do not know each other. Plessner wrote against a strong longing of his time for total community. His view stood largely alone in Germany at the time, and the book was only rediscovered in the early 1980s.
The Chancellor’s Private Life
As chancellor, Angela Merkel kept her private life protected. Her husband, Joachim Sauer, once explained his distance from her office: Meine Person steht in keinem Verhältnis zu der politischen Arbeit von Angela Merkel. My person has no relation to the political work of Angela Merkel. Since leaving office, she shares a little more. In 2026 she told the magazine Focus about her garden and about fried potatoes at ten at night.
Community and Society
In 1887 the sociologist Ferdinand Tönnies published Gemeinschaft und Gesellschaft, community and society. The following lines are from a later edition. Alles vertraute, heimliche, ausschließliche Zusammenleben (so finden wir) wird als Leben in Gemeinschaft verstanden. All trusted, private, exclusive living together, so we find, is understood as life in community. Gesellschaft ist die Öffentlichkeit, ist die Welt. Society is the public, it is the world. Man geht in die Gesellschaft wie in die Fremde. One goes into society as into a foreign land.