Unsolicited Advice Archives - understand-culture

Friend. Freund.

What is a friend?

MerriamWebster online writes: a person who you like and enjoy being with; a person who helps or supports someone or something; one attached to another by affection or esteem; a favored companion.

Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free. First Known Use: before 12th century. Among its synonyms are alter ego, amgo, buddy, chum, compadre. comrade, confidant, crony, familiar, intimate, pal.

What is a Freund?

dwds(dot)de writes: Vertrauter, someone you can trust; jemandem innerlich verbundener Mensch, a person who is especially close to another. Old High German (8th Century) vriunt, friend, next closest, mate, relative.

This is not the place to address how Americans and Germans diverge in the understanding of friend, friendship, what it means to be a friend. But here is a thought:

Is it not the true friend who has your best interests in mind, and therefore is willing to risk the loss of your friendship in order to convey a message which is painfully important for you to hear?

Formulated differently: What true friend, who sees that you are on the wrong path, would not speak to you about it?

Jesse Owens and Lutz Long

Berlin, 1936, the Olympic Games. The great American track and field athlete, Jesse Owens, wins the gold medal in the 100 meters, the 200 meters, the 4×100 meters, as well as in the long jump.

What many people don’t know, however, is that the silver medalist in the long jump, the German Carl Ludwig “Lutz” Long, had given Owens the kind of advice that only a true colleague, and friend, would give.

Going into the 1936 games Long had been the reigning German champion and holder of the European record. The Nazi hierarchy – and the German people – had anticipated gold for Germany.

In the qualification round Owens had fouled twice in a row by stepping on the white board delineating the jump-off point. A third foul would have disqualified him. Jesse Owens would have failed to advance to the final round. The crowd, the millions listening by radio, and especially Owens himself, were unsettled.

After that second fault, Lutz Long walked over to his competitor and advised him to simply imagine the foul line to be located one foot closer than it actually was, saying that he just had to avoid fouling a third time, and that his third jump would easily be enough to advance to the next round.

Some sources claim that Long went so far as to lay down his white towel marketing where Owens should leap from, ensuring that he would not foul a third time.

Jesse Owens took the advice given to him by that German, advancing to the final round, and then setting a record which would hold for decades. Lutz Long took the silver.

Immediately after the medal ceremony, when Owens and Long stepped off the podium – and in full view of Adolf Hitler and many of the highest ranking National Socialist officials – Lutz Long, the German, smiled, shook hands with Owens, then hooked Jesse’s right arm into his left and proceeded to walk with him around the track, smiling, talking, congratulating.

1936. Tensions in Europe were very high. The German regime was espousing a crude racial theory. And in the United States, an African-American like Jesse Owens was treated as a second-class citizen, at best. With the world watching, and in conscious defiance of his own government, Lutz Long, a German, reached out to his archrival to give a small bit of helpful advice. Unsolicited.

Postscript: After the 1936 Olympic Games Jesse Owens was celebrated triumphantly in the U.S., only then to be forgotten for two decades, and to struggle financially, until the 1950s brought him a presidential appointment as American Ambassador of Goodwill by Dwight Eisenhower, and with it lucrative celebrity endorsements as well as a long, healthy, happy life. Lutz Long, his German friend, died in battle against the Western Allies in Italy at the age of thirty.

“You could melt down all of the medals and cups I have and they wouldn’t be a plating for the twenty-four carat friendship I felt for Lutz Long at that moment.” Jesse Owens

Listen to the Nightingales

Here’s a lighthearted, lovely, friendly example of German unsolicited advice.

https://twitter.com/doberah/status/1388123619746852864

Lieber Armin Laschet

Bitte nicht immer “wir müssen” sagen, sondern eher “wir werden alles unternehmen, dass wir … erreichen”. Mehr zupackend argumentieren, der klare Wille muss bei den Menschen ankommen. Danke.

Please don’t always say “we must”, but instead more like “we will do everything possible, so that we … achieve more.” Argue more dynamically. Get across clear determination and willpower. Thanks.

That was the advice given by a German professor for information security and data privacy. As a comment on an article in LinkedIn.

Armin Laschet, the Premier (think governor) of Germany’s most populous state, Northrhine Westphalia, is the Christian Democratic Union – CDU (think Adenauer, Kohl, Merkel) chancellor candidate in the September 2021 federal elections in Germany.

Longer! Longer! Longer!

Christoph Waltz, an Austrian who often makes jokes about Germans in a rather gratuitous way, puts Jimmy Fallon to the test with a quiz on the definitions of long German words, like Bezirksschornsteinfegermeister.

YouTube comments:

“For non German speakers: The reason our words are so long is that you can basically string as many words as you want together and it would still count as long as it makes sense.”

“Can we just appreciate Waltz’s unwillingness to go along with Jimmy’s horrid fake laugh? He just stares at jimmy until he stops lol. An absolute icon.”

“You know you’re German when you don’t think the words are long at all.”

How Rude!

If you’ve done any research into German culture, you’ve likely come across blogs, articles and forum discussions on the subject of German directness. Less politically-correct results may even simply state that Germans are rude.

It’s a topic of discussion as old as time; or, at least, as old as the Internet’s mainstream popularity. There is a lot of material on the subject, and it all basically comes to the same conclusion: Germans aren’t rude; they’re just direct and honest. If you can’t handle it, you need to grow a thicker skin.

“Everybody is police”

An Iranian in Berlin complains about being told not to ride his bicycle on the sidewalk. “Everbody in Germany is a police.”

YouTube comments:

“‘Are you hobbylos?’ Only Germans say that.” … “Great way to catch a stick in the spokes, Mate.” … “Is he evidently unaware of traffic rules and in dire need of this reprimand?” … “That’s just called pedestrian safety. Stay on the bike lane or the street.”

For those people tending to sympathize with this guy complaining about Germany and the Germans, see below how traffic is organized in Iran:

Schäuble: Criticism of German know-it-alls

Wolfgang Schäuble (CDU) sees German politics as increasingly isolated. The senior president and record holder in the Bundestag urges moral restraint.

50 years in the Bundestag. A number that invites you to become fundamental. And that’s exactly what Wolfgang Schäuble did in conversation with Markus Lanz. “We are world leaders when it comes to moral know-it-alls,” he said on Wednesday evening about the attitude of German politics and society these days.

German unsolicited advice

Question

“I like my German colleagues. They are intelligent, focused, hard-working. But sometimes they can really get in your face. I experience, and observe, that they give other colleagues advice, whether it was asked for or not. I find this rather annoying, at times even arrogant. Why do they do that? I wish they would cease and desist.”

Answer

Ok, this is a really serious cultural difference. I need to pull it apart. Please be patient with a rather long response from me. This is also very personal to and for me.

Good People

First things first. The German people are good people. I mean really good people. Deeply good people. Please take my word on this. I have lived and worked here in Germany, and with the German people, for three decades. I could write a book full of anecdotes of how and why they are good people.

Helpful

As good people, the Germans want to be helpful. That includes your German colleagues. Think about, we’re all working anywhere between forty and sixty hours a week, some weeks even more. We spend most of our life working. That means, in turn, we spend most of our life interacting with colleagues, customers, suppliers. If we are good people, if it is our natural inclination to be helpful, well, then we’ll display that behavior in the workplace.

Obligation

Broadly speaking, painting with a broad brush, the German people are more collectivistic than we Americans. This is not about political theory. This is not about philosophy. This is not about forms of government or socialism or communism or communitarianism or any other ism. It’s much more simple, more basic.

The German people work from the group back to the individual. They first and foremostly see the individual as a member of a group. First group, then individual. We could say first the state, then the individual. We Americans are different. Almost the opposite. Individual, then group. Individual, then state. Individual, family, neighborhood, broader community, and so on.

Because the Germans see individuals as only viable within a community, they believe that each individual has obligations over and against their fellow individuals. That’s what community means, a balance between individual needs and wants and those of the community. We’re talking about the balance between rights and obligations. Germans feel that it is their obligation to help each other.

Advice as Help

And giving advice to a colleague, whether requested or not, is a form of help. If a German colleague sees you heading towards a landmine – a mistake, an error, a problem, a blowup – that colleague will point that out to you, and hopefully in time so that you avoid the landmine.

In fact, German thinking goes so far as to say: “You saw your colleague heading right for that landmine and you did nothing about it, you did not warn them? What kind of colleague are you? What kind of human being are you?”

Let’s always remind ourselves, when the German drive us crazy, when we think that they need their heads examined, when we simply don’t want to deal with them anymore, when we think that their approach will ruin the work, ruin the business, ruin relations with our customers, that the German people have the fourth-largest economy in the world, and with only eighty million people. Folks, they must be doing something right. Their approach in fundamental areas must be right, must be working, must lead to success. Folks, it can’t be any other way.

Now, does it mean that their German approach works in every other culture, in every other country, in every other business context, in every other market? No, that is not my statement. Clearly what works in one market, country, region does not necessary translate one-to-one into another one. And that is the point of my work, of our conversations, about the influence of cultural differences on cross-border collaboration. One-to-one importation, one-to-one application, of one culture’s logic into another country seldom works. In fact, the results can be a total disaster.

Jerks

Are there no jerks in Germany, no jerks among the German people, no German jerks? Well, of course there are jerks in Germany, as there are in any culture. And one major way for a German to be a jerk is to stick their nose in other people’s business. German jerks do that all the time. The Germans can be terrible know-it-alls. Arrogant. Insistent. “I’m smart. You’re dumb.” Thirty years here in Germany, do you think I haven’t run into my fair share of German jerks? There have been many a time when I wanted to tear their heads off.

So, yes, you will experience in your collaboration the German jerk. And they will experience the American jerk. There are plenty of us. In fact, in each and every one of us Americans is an American jerk. We all have our moments when our behavior is uncalled for (one of my mother’s favorite terms), literally not called for, not requested, no solicited, unsolicited.

Just this week I wrote a message in LinkedIn which was very poorly formulated. It was stupid. The receiver shot back at me immediately. And rightfully so. I felt stupid, because my message was stupid. John the jerk. Do you think he doesn’t exist? He does, because John is a human being. And human beings can often be jerks.

“German angel, what?”

But jerks are a small minority. And the jerk in each of us is, hopefully, is only a small part of us which comes out only in certain circumstances. In the overwhelming majority of instances when you experience unsolicitied advice from a German colleague, or even from a German stranger, it is not a German jerk, but instead a German angel coming to your rescue.

“German angel, what?” Yup, I mean that literally, without getting into the theology of it. What do angels do? They watch out for us. The see us heading for the landmine and then do something to help us avoid getting our legs blown off. “What, Magee believes in angels?” Yes, he does, indeed.

Ok, let me put it in more rational, scientific, Enlightenment-era (whatever that is) terms. What could be better than to be surrounded by colleagues who want the best for you? What could be better than to be surrounded by colleagues who keep their eyes open for each other? Colleagues who have each other’s back? Who are not afraid to get in your face if they see you heading for a disaster, for a blowup, a train wreck?

And what could be better than to have colleagues who will risk pissing you off by pointing out to you that you’re about to make a serious mistake, even at the risk of harming your working relationship?

Let me tell you something, if I worked in a company – I do not, I am self-employed – I sure as sh_t would want to have those kinds of colleagues, as many as possible. But wait, I do have such colleagues. More than a handful of them. Germans and Americans. Most of them customers who have become friends. I turn to them time and again for advice. And I receive it. Good advice. And it is the Germans who, time and again, offer advice which I did not even ask for. Unsoliticed.

And here’s the thing about angels, whether Germans or Americans or from other cultures, when they save our ass, they don’t ask for anything in return. They do it out of pure care, concern, and love. That’s right, love. It’s the greatest force, the greatest power we know. It’s called love. Don’t believe me? Ask any mother or father of a child. Ask any brother or sister of another brother or sister. Ask any two friends. And wouldn’t that kind of care, concern, and love, be great among colleagues, in the workplace, where we spend most of our lives?

Or let’s flip it around. What kind of life is it to spend forty to sixty hours a week working with people who are not driven, at the deepest level, by care, concern and love? Seriously. What kind of life is that?

So, whenever you get irritated about another German giving you unsolicited advice, ask yourself the following questions: Was the advice, in its substance, accurate, correct, on point? Assuming that you took the advice, was it helpful? What did you pay for the advice, what did you have to give in order to receive the helpful advice?

I think you get my point. Yes, German colleagues often give unsolicited advice. And I thank the Lord for that. And I mean that literally.