“I don’t want you to take this personally, but …” Meaning: Recognizes that feedback is likely to be taken personally, even if it’s about work.
Ted Lasso
Ted Lasso. Context: Follows an American football coach leading a British soccer team. Illustration: Ted’s feedback style is empathetic, supportive, and always considers how his words will affect each player personally. The series is a masterclass in emotionally intelligent, personal feedback that drives both performance and well-being.
“Coach me“
Americans expect to be coached by their team lead. If the team lead has accurately identified weaknesses in a team member, and has communicated them clearly, fairly and diplomatically in a feedback talk, then it is expected that the team lead then coach her „player.“
Just as a basketball coach will take extra time with a player after practice to work on dribbling or shooting skills, so too a good manager in the American business context will take the time to explain to the employee how to perform certain tasks better: give presentations, write reports, perform calculations, attach the part to the machine, handle customer issues, work with external suppliers, and manager their own team. The list is endless.
If the team lead, however, is not in a position to coach her player directly – due to time constraints or perhaps she is not a master of the skill herself – then she should, at a minimum, know where to send that team member in order to be coached, taught, instructed, advised.
Coach. Player. Americans want to be coached. American sports coaches are deeply involved in how their players play.
reflection of personal worth
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. The March sisters’ growth is closely tied to feedback from family, friends, and mentors. Jo, in particular, responds emotionally to feedback on her writing and work, viewing it as a reflection of her personal worth and aspirations.
deeply personal
9 to 5 (1980). Three women, frustrated by their sexist boss, band together to improve their toxic workplace. The feedback they receive – dismissal, condescension, and lack of recognition – is deeply personal and motivates them to take action. Their eventual success is celebrated as both professional and personal vindication.
the wrong way
“Don’t take it the wrong way.” Meaning: Acknowledges that feedback might feel personal and encourages the recipient to see the positive intent behind it.
considerate, personal
“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Meaning: Emphasizes the importance of delivering feedback in a considerate, personal manner.
“What would you do?“
With the recent popularity of YouTube and other amateur video websites, people have been staging scenarios and filming people’s reactions to them. This is particularly popular in the U.S., where, in addition to amateur reaction videos, in 2008 ABC created a television show called What Would You Do?
In the show, actors and actresses pretend to be in situations in which they would benefit from unsolicited advice (domestic abuse, drugged beverages, etc.), and the show collects statistics on how many people offer advice or warnings.
Typically, most Americans who witness these situations don’t get involved. In one episode, in which a caregiver in a park berates the elderly man for whom he’s supposed to be caring, and refuses to take the elderly man home when asked, only one-quarter of the people who witnessed the interaction intervened. Other episodes typically have similar statistics of intervention.
„If you can‘t say anything positive”
Euphemism: The substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant: eliminate for kill; suboptimal for below standard; interesting for bad; issue or challenge for problem; career change, early retirement opportunity, career transition, involuntarily separation for being fired;
economically disadvantaged for poor; temporary negative cash flow for broke; substandard housing or economically depressed neighborhood for slum; collateral damage for deaths of women and children and old people; pre-owned vehicle for used car; adult beverages for alcohol.
Almost every American has at some point in their lives heard the statement „If you can‘t say anything positive, don‘t say anything at all.“ Americans are careful about giving negative feedback. Charles Schwab has been quoted: “I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.”