When typing in „advice“ into amazon(dot)com – USA – roughly 140,000 books are listed. When inputting Ratgeber (literally advice-givers) into amazon(dot)de – Germany – about 640,000 books are listed.
There 320 million people in the U.S. In Germany there are 80 million. The American population is four times larger than the German. However, there are four times more books written in Germany on giving advice than in the U.S.
The Germans give advice and the Germans take advice.
Hart aber fair – Hard but Fair – is a very popular weekly 75-minute talkshow in Germany about political topics. The moderator, Frank Plasberg, and his guests take on especially current and controversial issues.
As the name of the show suggests the discussions are open, lively and controversial. The show is well prepared and well structured. Ideological speech-making is blocked. Facts and logical argumentation are critical.
Between five and six guests are invited representing politics, academia, non-governmental organizations as well as “the man or woman off the street.”
The guests are carefully selected to represent the specific sides of the argument. The show’s research staff provides background information during certain segments.
Der Vorleser (The Reader, 2008). In this adaptation of Bernhard Schlink’s novel, characters confront moral and legal dilemmas in postwar Germany. Courtroom scenes and personal discussions showcase direct, sometimes confrontational exchanges about justice and responsibility, but the characters strive to keep these discussions focused on the issues, not personal attacks.
What is a friend?
MerriamWebster online writes: a person who you like and enjoy being with; a person who helps or supports someone or something; one attached to another by affection or esteem; a favored companion.
Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free. First Known Use: before 12th century. Among its synonyms are alter ego, amgo, buddy, chum, compadre. comrade, confidant, crony, familiar, intimate, pal.
What is a Freund?
dwds(dot)de writes: Vertrauter, someone you can trust; jemandem innerlich verbundener Mensch, a person who is especially close to another. Old High German (8th Century) vriunt, friend, next closest, mate, relative.
This is not the place to address how Americans and Germans diverge in the understanding of friend, friendship, what it means to be a friend. But here is a thought:
Is it not the true friend who has your best interests in mind, and therefore is willing to risk the loss of your friendship in order to convey a message which is painfully important for you to hear?
Formulated differently: What true friend, who sees that you are on the wrong path, would not speak to you about it?
Nikola. A popular sitcom set in a hospital, Nikola centers on the head nurse Nikola and Chief Physician Dr. Schmidt. The two regularly argue about work-related issues and hospital management, often with sharp wit and directness. However, their professional disputes do not prevent them from developing mutual trust and even a friendship over time.
Franz Kafka – Der Prozess (The Trial, 1925). Kafka’s portrayal of bureaucracy and impersonal authority highlights the cold, rational, and often emotionless nature of institutional feedback and evaluation. The protagonist is judged and processed by a system that is entirely uninterested in personal circumstances, focusing solely on procedural and performance-based criteria.
An American woman. Married to a German man. How her husband is very direct. And about how Americans learn to be indirect, especially when giving negative feedback.
Warning ! This woman is a youtuber. And an American on top. So, she is more than a bit animated. And frankly, she could have made her points in about two minutes instead of seven and a half.
Thomas Mann’s essays, especially his Deutsche Ansprache. Ein Appell an die Vernunft (German Address. An Appeal to Reason), explicitly champion the idea of rational, objective debate as a cornerstone of German culture. Mann’s literary and public works often reflect his belief that German identity is rooted in a tradition of reasoned discourse, even in times of personal or national crisis. His approach exemplifies the separation of the personal (identity, emotion) from the professional or civic duty to engage in rational debate for the common good.
In this reimagining of the Faust legend, the protagonist Adrian Leverkühn’s life as a composer is marked by a strict separation between his artistic (professional) pursuits and his personal relationships. The narrative delves into the costs of such compartmentalization, reflecting broader themes of German culture and intellectual life.
These novels use family, business, and societal settings to highlight the German tendency to address professional or ideological matters directly, while striving to keep personal relationships unaffected by such disputes.
German team leads have an impersonal, business-like relationship with their team members. They maintain emotional distance from the team in order to guaranty neutrality and fairness. Especially when providing feedback on performance do they focus on results and not on the person.
This sachlich – impersonal, neutral, business-like – approach can be observed in the personal interaction between manager and team. When providing feedback German team leads are reserved, unemotional, their body language limited to a handshake. Neutrality is the key.
Whether discussing past performance or formulating new goals, the Germans focus on the facts, ideally on what is measurable. A discussion about development addresses professional skills and less so personal development. Critique is communicated in a respectful and serious way. Humour is considered disrespectful and unprofessional.
If the feedback discussion includes criticism, German managers strive to be particularly neutral, unemotional, fact-oriented. This reduces the potential for an escalation of emotions. The two parties should focus on performance. The discussion is impersonal and objective.