“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Meaning: Emphasizes the importance of delivering feedback in a considerate, personal manner.
performance
protect feelings
“Let’s put a positive spin on it.” Meaning: Even when giving negative feedback, Americans often try to frame it positively to protect the individual’s feelings.
but, ….
“I don’t want you to take this personally, but …” Meaning: Recognizes that feedback is likely to be taken personally, even if it’s about work.
profession and personal
The Evolution of Performance Reviews in the Workplace. By the 1960s, around 90% of U.S. employers had implemented formal performance review systems. These reviews were not just about evaluating results; they became a primary means for managers to provide feedback directly to employees about their individual contributions, strengths, and areas for improvement. The process was designed to be personal – feedback was delivered face-to-face, often with attention to the employee’s feelings and professional development. This approach reflects the American tendency to connect feedback on work with the person, making it both a professional and personal matter.
resilience, unity
National Response to 9/11. The collective response to the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks is remembered as a moment when Americans came together, and feedback – through public praise, memorials, and support-was directed at individuals such as first responders and victims’ families. The outpouring of support and recognition was highly personal, emphasizing empathy, emotional connection, and the linking of national performance (resilience, unity) with individual stories and heroism.
internalized
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. Willy Loman’s self-worth is deeply tied to his professional success and the feedback he receives from employers, family, and society. Praise or criticism of his work is internalized as a judgment of his personal value, highlighting how professional feedback in American culture is often experienced as personal affirmation or rejection.
Holden takes it personally
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. Holden Caulfield’s interactions at school and work are colored by how feedback affects his sense of self. When teachers, peers, or employers critique his performance or attitude, Holden takes it personally, reflecting the American tendency to link feedback on work with personal identity.
mentor-mentee
The Intern (2015). Ben (Robert De Niro), a senior intern, and Jules (Anne Hathaway), a young CEO, develop a close mentor-mentee relationship. Feedback is delivered with empathy and care, and both characters grow personally and professionally through their interactions. The film highlights how feedback is tailored to the individual and is meant to support both performance and personal well-being.
emotionally charged
Jerry Maguire (1996). After a moral crisis, sports agent Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) is fired for his ideals but finds new purpose by building genuine, personal relationships with his clients. Feedback from clients and colleagues is emotionally charged and transformative, showing how professional evaluation in America is inextricably linked to personal values and identity.
Esther Greenwood
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. Esther Greenwood’s experiences in the workplace and as an intern are shaped by feedback from supervisors and colleagues. Praise boosts her confidence, while criticism is felt as a personal setback, illustrating the emotional impact of feedback and the intertwining of personal and professional spheres.