“Let’s put a positive spin on it.” Meaning: Even when giving negative feedback, Americans often try to frame it positively to protect the individual’s feelings.
figures of speech
but, ….
“I don’t want you to take this personally, but …” Meaning: Recognizes that feedback is likely to be taken personally, even if it’s about work.
Focus on Weaknesses
In feedback discussions the Germans focus on what isn‘t working. This is a shared logic. Both team lead and team members address primarily weaknesses. The Germans waste little time discussing what is working, instead taking direct aim at deficits.
This problem-orientation is considered positive, constructive and future-oriented. It is a proven approach to assessing suboptimal work results and laying the foundation for improvement. Germans are very pragmatic about reducing mistakes. They often say: „That was good work, but ….“
Every German hears at a young age the statement: Selbsterkenntnis ist der erste Schritt zur Besserung, self-critique is the first step towards improvement. Critique of others and of oneself is legitimate and necessary in order to improve. Germans believe that the individual needs first to admit their own weaknesses before being able to eliminate them.
the wrong way
“Don’t take it the wrong way.” Meaning: Acknowledges that feedback might feel personal and encourages the recipient to see the positive intent behind it.
considerate, personal
“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Meaning: Emphasizes the importance of delivering feedback in a considerate, personal manner.
„Not criticized is praise enough“
There is a logic to why Germans rarely give praise. They believe that being one‘s own most severe critic is the prerequisite for working independently, for self-management. Praise is given and expected sparingly. The following expression reveals the German logic: Nicht geschimpft, ist genug gelobt or Not criticized is praise enough.
Germans learn at an early age to expect more critique than praise, from parents, teachers, sports coaches. Young Germans are trained to be self-critical, to be wary of undeserved praise. Experts in education and child-rearing warn of the dangers of too much praise. It can quickly lead to oversized egos, to overrating one‘s abilities, to losing touch with reality.
If praise is given, then it should come from an external, neutral, critical source. German children learn from an early age on not to put their achievements on display, not to brag, but instead to be reserved and modest. Every German child has heard at least once that Eigenlob stinkt, that self-praise stinks.
Self-praise stinks
Eigenlob stink: self-praise stinks; it is dishonourable; those who praise themselves make themselves unpopular. Lobhudelei: tossing praise about; exaggerated praise, typically self-praise; for mediocre work. Etwas hochjubelen: to praise something or someone to the high heavens; overblown praise, undeserved, unwarranted.
The Ikarus myth. Ikarus is a figure of Greek mythololgy. His father, Daidalos, in order to escape from the labyrinth on the Greek island of Crete, built wings our of feathers and wax. Although Daidalos warned his son not to fly to close to the sun, Ikarus in his self-confidence did not heed his father‘s warning. The wax in his wings melted, he crashed to the sea and drowned. The lesson taught is that hubris – conceit, over self-estimation – leads to a fall.
Germans are very wary of over self-estimation.
Impersonal Critique
In the German context feedback about one‘s work is in and of itself not personal. Germans – team leads as well as members – can argue vehemently about business topics and at the same time have a friendly, collegial working relationship. German management can criticize harshly an employee but still respect and personally like that individual. In Germany feedback is not personal.
In German team meetings open, honest, direct feedback is not only permitted, it is desired. Weaknesses in individual performance are addressed by team lead and members alike. The criticism, however, is not meant, and is not taken, as a personal attack, not jemandem etwas ins Gesicht sagen (to tell them off), but more to „get a it on the table“, in den Raum stellen.
Jemandem etwas ins Gesicht sagen: to say something critical to another person‘s face; to say something mean, unfair, provoking; to tell someone the unadultered truth; to give another person „a piece of your mind.“
Etwas in den Raum stellen: to put something in the room; to raise a question, a problem; to comment on, to make an observation; to bring a subject into the discussion.
Be wary. Be happy.
Germans strive to remain clear-headed, to avoid incrementally inflated euphoria, to avoid a step-by-step distancing from a sober assessment of reality. For Germans it’s not “Don’t worry. Be Happy.” But instead “Be wary. Be happy.”
Wary: marked by keen caution, cunning, and watchfulness, especially in detecting and escaping danger.
“Escaping danger.” Dangerous can be thinking too highly of oneself. Dangerous can be misreading a situation. Dangerous is unjustified happy, euphoric.
But, there is another reason to “be wary.” Neid, envy. The Germans themselves speak of their Neidgesellschaft, “society of envy”, of their Neider, the envious.
Public recognition can lead to envy within the team. Envy threatens cohesion. Germans are not comfortable with “stars” or “rainmakers” in their organizations. Neid is one reason. The other is purely rational.
In complex organizations, especially those which are highly matrixed, how can individuals or individual teams be cited as especially successful? As clearly better than others? How can that be measured?
„If you can‘t say anything positive”
Euphemism: The substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant: eliminate for kill; suboptimal for below standard; interesting for bad; issue or challenge for problem; career change, early retirement opportunity, career transition, involuntarily separation for being fired;
economically disadvantaged for poor; temporary negative cash flow for broke; substandard housing or economically depressed neighborhood for slum; collateral damage for deaths of women and children and old people; pre-owned vehicle for used car; adult beverages for alcohol.
Almost every American has at some point in their lives heard the statement „If you can‘t say anything positive, don‘t say anything at all.“ Americans are careful about giving negative feedback. Charles Schwab has been quoted: “I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.”