Small Talk Archives - Page 2 of 3

Words for Empty Talk

Schaumschläger
Froth-beater, also the word for a whisk. Duden defines it as a person who pretends to qualities or abilities that he does not have, especially from a need for recognition.

Blender
Dazzler. Someone who wins people over with outward advantages and so hides his weaknesses.

Phrasendrescher
Phrase-thresher. Someone who makes speeches that sound fine but say nothing.

Wichtigtuer
Someone who makes himself important.

Selbstdarsteller
Self-presenter. Someone whose actions serve to display himself.

Heiße Luft
Hot air. Das ist doch nur heiße Luft. That is only hot air.

Angeber, Großmaul
Show-off, bigmouth.

Coming to the matter

To come to the matter. The German for getting to the point, and the metaphor is different from the English one.

A point is a place in an argument. Die Sache is the thing under discussion. English asks you to be concise. German asks you to arrive at the substance.

How are you

Wie geht’s? in German is a question, and it is answered. Not well, thanks — but an actual report, which may include the back, the weather, the traffic and the state of the department.

The English greeting of the same shape is not a question and is not answered. The German one is, which is why Germans answering it in English conversation produce more information than was wanted.

The borrowed word

German has no native word for small talk. It uses the English one, written as one word — Smalltalk — and it entered the language along with the practice it names.

Plauderei and Geplauder exist, but they mean chatting or prattling, and neither describes the specific business function. The thing had to be imported, and the word came with it.

Because Germans separate strictly between their work and private spheres, they are very reserved in public. Just as they would never ask their boss about her hobbies or family, Germans very seldom initiate a conversation with a stranger in a public place like a bus, train, store or restaurant. Nor would they talk about aspects of their private life. Both would be inappropriate and make the other person feel uncomfortable.

Germans feel comfortable with periods of silence. They use quiet time to work, read, reflect, listen to music. Deutsche Bahn – German Rail – is modern, fast, affordable, and for the most part on-time. The routes offer beautiful views of the countryside, especially along the Rhine River from Koblenz to Mainz, one castle after the other sitting atop a hill.

Some train cars have rows of seats, two on each side separated by the aisle. Other cars have cabins seating six. It’s not at all unusual to enter the cabin, say “Guten Tag”, sit down, read, reflect, work on a laptop, or sleep and not exchange another word except perhaps “schöne Weiterreise” (literally “have a nice further-trip”), and this over several hours.

Personal nice. Professional better.

In small talk situations Americans seldom jump directly into the business subject matter. For Americans business is always to certain degree a personal matter. In fact, Americans prefer to work with people they like, and who like them.

Germans, on the other hand, can and will do business with you even if you have little or no personal relationship. Most importantly, they want to know if you are good at what you do. Personal is nice. Professional is better.

Supermarket checkout

At the supermarket check out somewhere in Germany. Cashier to customers: “28,35 Euro”. The customers silently passes the 50 Euro bill to the cashier. “21,65 is your change”. The customer packs up his groceries and leaves the store.

This type of limited conversation at the supermarket check out is not a rarity. Until a couple of years ago this was a common interaction. Nowadays, you will get a “good day” or “have a nice day” from the cashier before he puts the groceries in your shopping cart to make space for the next customer.

However, the cashier would never ask the flour- and sugar-buying customer if they are going to bake today. Furthermore, if a customer buys cereal and milk the cashier would never ask, with a winky face, if they are someone that likes breakfast for dinner. The cashier would also not say how much he likes cookies if someone was buying some. The check out is a place where you pay, not for small talk.

Schweigen ist Gold

“Speech is silver. Silence is gold.” German children are taught to only speak when they have something intelligent to say. Idle banter – to speak or act playfully or wittily – is viewed as superficial, a lack of education, poor upbringing. It is considered impolite.

More books about Small Talk

Amazon Germany lists 196 books with ‘small talk’ in their title. The best sellers are Small Talk für Dummies, Small Talk – Nie Wieder Sprachlos (Never Again Speechless) and Small Talk – Die Besten Themen (The Best Topics).

The typical table of contents reads: What is small talk? What purpose does small talk serve? In what situations do you use small talk? When can small talk be dangerous or uncalled for? When do you need small talk? What topics are appropriate in small talk? Which topics are dangerous in small talk? Small talk and body language. How to react to small talk? How to deal with small talk in difficult situations?

Nearly two hundred books. What does this tell us about small talk in Germany?

schwätzen

Schwätzen means to gab or chat about topics of low relevance and in a thoughtless manner which has no value. The Germans speak of dummes Geschwätz – dumm is stupid, dumb, idiotic, asinine, foolish.

Geschwätz from the verb schwätzen – when people in public spaces blab out loud, when students gab during classes, or colleagues do the same during meetings. A Schwätzer is not shunned, but disliked, and not respected. A Schwätzer talks too much and does too little.