Five Kinds of Remonstrance

Confucius said: “A loyal minister remonstrates with his ruler in five ways. The first is by guile. The second is blunt and plain. The third is with a humble manner. The fourth is direct. The fifth is by allusion. One measures the ruler and acts accordingly. I would follow remonstrance by allusion.” The passage is in the Family Sayings of Confucius (孔子家语).

An old commentary in the same text explains the fifth way, fengjian (风谏). It stays noncommittal and keeps the speaker clear of blame and harm.

You Meng and the King’s Horse

King Zhuang of Chu loved a horse and dressed it in embroidered silk. When it died of overfeeding, he wanted to bury it with the rites of a high official. He decreed: “Anyone who remonstrates about the horse will die.” The court entertainer You Meng went in and wept aloud. An official’s burial was too mean, he said. The horse should be buried as a ruler, in a coffin of carved jade.

“Then the lords will all know that Your Majesty despises people and values horses.” The king asked: “Is my fault as great as this?” You Meng proposed burying the horse as livestock, in human stomachs. The king sent it to the palace kitchen. The Records of the Grand Historian say that You Meng “often remonstrated through jokes” (常以谈笑讽谏).

Xiren’s Conditions

In chapter 19 of Dream of the Red Chamber, the maid Xiren tells Baoyu that her mother and brother plan to buy her out next year. If he truly wants her to stay, she says, he must agree to two or three things. “Not two or three,” he answers. “Two or three hundred, and I will agree.”

She asks him to at least appear to enjoy study, and to stop mocking monks and Daoists and playing with rouge.

The narrator explains that the talk of leaving was a ruse. She used it first to test his feelings and to curb his temper.

Criticism Through Poetry

The Great Preface to the Book of Songs explains one of its kinds of poem, feng (风). “Those above use it to transform those below. Those below use it to criticize those above. It leads with art and remonstrates indirectly. The one who speaks is not guilty, and the one who hears is warned enough.” (上以风化下，下以风刺上，主文而谲谏，言之者无罪，闻之者足以戒)

The last line lives on as the saying 言者无罪，闻者足戒. Dictionaries define it this way: the person who raises an opinion is not at fault, and the person who hears it should take it as a warning.

The Vocabulary of Passing Word

吹风 To blow wind. To let information out or to make an opinion known.

捎话 To carry words. To pass on a message for someone. A dictionary gives the example: “Your superior asked me to pass on word to you to go back quickly.”

传话 To pass on talk. To carry the words of one side to the other.

通气 To let air through. To keep each other informed.

High EQ, Low EQ

In early 2021, a meme format called “high EQ versus low EQ” (高情商 VS 低情商) was popular on the Chinese internet. Each meme takes a blunt remark that is unpleasant to hear and rewrites it in words that make the listener feel good.

In January 2021, the tech site ifanr wrote that everyone knows the “high EQ” versions are not really high EQ. It said the format could be called “an advanced version of sarcasm” (阴阳怪气的进阶版本).

Gentle Remonstrance

In the Analects, Confucius says: “In serving one’s father and mother, remonstrate gently. If they show that they will not follow the advice, remain respectful and do not oppose them. Work hard and do not complain.” (事父母几谏，见志不从，又敬不违，劳而不怨。)

The Handian dictionary defines 几谏 as “to remonstrate in a tactful, roundabout way.”

Chu Long Persuades the Empress Dowager

When Qin attacked Zhao, Qi would send troops only if the Empress Dowager of Zhao gave her youngest son, Lord Chang’an, as a hostage. She refused, and the ministers pressed her. She declared: “If anyone speaks again of making Lord Chang’an a hostage, this old woman will spit in his face.”

The old minister Chu Long came in slowly and spoke of his bad feet and of her appetite. He asked for a post in the palace guard for his own youngest son. Later he said: “Parents who love their children plan far ahead for them.” The empress dowager sent her son to Qi, and Qi sent its troops. (Strategies of the Warring States)

Indirect Admonition

In a story from the Strategies of the Warring States, Zou Ji asks his wife, his concubine and a guest whether he is more handsome than Lord Xu of the northern city. All say yes. When he sees Lord Xu, he knows they were wrong. His wife favored him, his concubine feared him, and the guest wanted something from him.

Zou Ji then tells King Wei of Qi that the king, surrounded by palace women, ministers and common people, is deceived far more than he is. He urges the king to open the way for criticism. The story is collected in the anthology Guwen Guanzhi as “Zou Ji Admonishes the King of Qi Indirectly to Accept Advice.”

Soft Nails

软钉子 A soft nail. A refusal or criticism made in a gentle, roundabout way.

旁敲侧击 To knock at the side and strike from the flank. To make a point indirectly, without stating it.

指桑骂槐 To point at the mulberry and curse the locust tree. To seem to blame one person while really blaming another.

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