psychology – Page 2 – understand-culture

“that make us miserable”

June 16, 2025. Wall Street Journal. “Many of us feel compelled to say yes to things that make us miserable. Yes to work that is not our job. Yes to taking on jobs when we’re at home or on vacation. Yes to boring, unnecessary meetings or company dinners.”

Key Points: saying yes to unwanted tasks leads to unhappiness, while saying no, when done correctly, brings relief; evaluate requests by weighing their cost to you against the benefit to others before responding; base your “no” on personal principles, use empowered language, and reinforce with confident body language.

The author is Vanessa Patrick, associate dean of research and Bauer professor of marketing at the University of Houston’s C.T. Bauer College of Business. She is the author of “The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You in Charge of Your Life.”

Some interesting comments on the article:

“Like so many things, it depends. In my experience, unless the corporate world has changed much more than I think it likely has, saying “no” to your boss is generally not a great career move.”

“Following this advice will result in getting you and your priorities fired! This article is written by an academic who clearly has no idea how large, fast organizations work. It’s incredibly arrogant to assume that one always knows the valid reason to do something that seems out of one’s lane. It assumes you work with the same knowledge/data as your boss. That’s rarely the case. The current environment is so ultra-competitive that missing even a slight competitive edge or event could mean the decisive difference. Do not listen to someone so entranced in academia (with tenure and no competition ) who is advising you to do.”

“I started reading this article, then quickly said, “No”.”

“The author clearly never worked at a consulting firm or any kind of matrix organization where there were many bosses with competing interests. However, she is publishing, and that’s important for academicians.”

“After moving 3 times in 4 years for my employer, he then asked me to move again after one year. Talked to my wife over the weekend and decided the family would stay while I listed conditions for accepting the move including weekend flights back home. On following Monday told the boss I would accept the assignment and handed him my written list of conditions. He said forget about it and asked me who he should give the assignment to. I stayed at the then current location for 6 years and moved to final location before retirement. Oh and got a another promotion along the way. Cannot just say no; must be strategic/political. Always do what is best for the company with caveats.”

Are Germans really perfectly organized?

Euromaxx reporter Michael Wigge continues his search for the truth about Germany. He travels all over the country with the aim of getting to the bottom of the many clichés that exist about Germany and Germans. Part of the fun of living in such old countries as those here in Europe is that many of the quirks that were hard earned over centuries can be confirmed…and then,again some can’t.

A German on Perfektionismus

Short and sweet. Germans are aware of their inclination towards perfectionism.

The Perfectionist Trap

“We typically aim for a particular career because we have been deeply impressed by the exploits of the most accomplished practitioners in the field.

We formulate our ambitions by admiring the beautiful structures of the architect tasked with designing the city’s new airport, or by following the intrepid trades of the wealthiest Wall Street fund manager, by reading the analyses of the acclaimed literary novelist or sampling the piquant meals in the restaurant of a prize-winning chef.

We form our career plans on the basis of perfection. Then, inspired by the masters, we take our own first steps and trouble begins. What we have managed to design, or make in our first month of trading, or write in an early short story, or cook for the family is markedly and absurdly, beneath the standard that first sparked our ambitions. We who are so aware of excellence end up the least able to tolerate mediocrity – which in this case, happens to be our own….”

Perfectionism in 3 Minutes

When you think of the word perfectionism, you might think of those you know (or maybe yourself) who are anal, OCD, and hard to work with. Perfectionism is when you aren’t satisfied until every little detail is up to your standard of “perfect.”

The problem with this is that perfection is subjective, and our subjective judgment changes from day to day. So while something in your eyes may be perfect today, tomorrow you opinion could completely change.

YouTube comments:

“I have perfectionism and one thing I go through is if I get hit on my arm I have to hit my other arm the exact same spot and it is very annoying.”

“Perfect is the enemy of the good” – I think it’s the enemy of great and downright awesome too. I often wonder how many amazing things we never got to see because it’s creator could only see the ways in which it missed the mark. I keep this in mind a lot.

Perfectionism – 7 Examples

Perfectionism is a complex characteristic that according to experts, can be adaptive (healthy, positive, functional) or maladaptive (unhealthy, negative, dysfunctional).

This article explores the drives and concerns associated with perfectionism, along with theories that offer insight into this fascinating personality trait.

Sandwich Method

The sandwich method is describes the American approach to giving negative feedback. Its goal is to communicate criticism in a way which will avoid demotivating the other person. Like a sandwich with a slice a bread on both the top and the bottom, praise is given at the beginning and the end of the feedback talk. In the middle is the substance of the conversation, the points of criticism. Open with praise. Communicate criticism. Close with praise.

Is there anything new about this? Research on the American approach to communicating criticism over the last fifty to one hundred years would probably show that it is not. American ears know to listen carefully after the positive has been said. They listen for the nuances, the terms used, especially the euphemisms. This makes it all the more complex and difficult to understand for non-Americans, regardless of strong their command of the English language.

„You did a fine job.“

Sigmund Freud

Although Sigmund Freud was an Austrian his methods of psychoanalysis to resolve personal conflicts had tremendous influence in the entire German-speaking world, and eventually beyond. Psychoanalytical therapy involved up to three hundred individual sessions.

For Freud, as the founder of psychoanalysis, it was essential to identify unconscious emotional developments in order to understand human behavior. The earliest years of childhood are especially relevant. Psychological problems – conflicts – can be traced back to those earliest of years.

Understanding developments over very long periods of time are fundamental to Freud’s approach to conflict resolution. Tracing psychological problems far back into one’s personal history, making the unconscious conscious, is the opposite of a quick (hasty) resolution of conflict.

Serve a Good Purpose

Germans believe that when you serve another person – dienen – you have to accept the value system of that person. He who serves, has to do things, has to act in a way, which they might otherwise fully reject. Even more, the person serving is obligated to do their very best. Germans do not consider this a relief, not as a transfer of moral responsibility from the one serving to the one being served. On the contrary, it represents a burden for them, knowing from the very start that they will invariably come into conflict with their conscience.

On the other hand, when a German is willing to serve a good purpose, a cause they believe in, they are freely submitting to a belief, taking a moral stand, agreeing with a set of arguments. They can formulate those arguments in a way which fits their values. If one can no longer support the cause, there is no obligation to continue contributing time and effort.

Psychologically this means that serving a good cause, whether through action, financial assistance or communicating the message, means serving one’s own value system. We are obligating ourselves freely. Independence and self-determination are protected.

But why do Germans have such difficulty with dienen, serving? Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Germans in many ways live mit sich – with themselves, and in sich – in themselves, in the sense of how they live, where they live. Their surroundings are very much a part of their personality, their self-understanding. Unexpected visitors, regulations or limitations on their private lives are quickly interpreted as personal attacks. The boss calling unexpectedly, friends dropping by for a visit, colleagues giveing unsolicited advice concerning their private life make Germans feel uncomfortable.

To serve well, though, means to push to the side one’s own values, beliefs, ways of living. The better one can do that, the better they can serve. And that is the difficult part for Germans. They prefer far more beraten, to advise, or to complete a task. Beraten involves addressing a topic, subject, problem. It is impersonal, independent of one‘s values, lifestyle, belief system.

Back to serving a good purpose. German non-governmental organizations – NGOs – are confronted by the dilemma that they need to function well as organizations, but do not want to give their members the impression that they work for an organization. Internal power struggles are poisonous for small, low-budget organizations. Members need to know that they are serving a higher purpose and not an organizational structure.

For Germans, their work, what they accomplish day in and day out, is very much a part of their personal identity. On the one side this makes it difficult for them to maintain distance from their work. On the other, however, it enables them to work very conscientiously and independently. The German logic is: „Do you want to understand who I am. Look at my work.“