Relationships Archives - Page 2 of 14

Mr. Nasty

From 2002 to 2010 the British record executive Simon Cowell judged American Idol, at first beside Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson. He told many singers they could not sing. He earned a reputation as TV’s “Mr. Nasty.” In 2002 he named the best part of being known as “Evil Simon”: “You don’t have to pretend to be nice to people.”

In an interview published by The New York Times on November 29, 2025, he said: “I did realize I’ve probably gone too far.” He added: “I’m not proud of it, let’s put it that way.” And: “What can I say? I’m sorry.”

He also said that the harshness “made the shows really popular worldwide.”

Comment on What You Like

Google publishes its guide for reviewing other engineers’ code. It advises reviewers to make comments “about the code and never… about the developer.” It gives a bad example: “Why did you use threads here when there’s obviously no benefit to be gained from concurrency?” The guide suggests marking small points with “Nit:” so the author knows they are minor.

The guide also asks for praise: “If you see things you like in the CL, comment on those too!” A CL is a change to the code. The reason, it says, is that “people learn from reinforcement of what they are doing well and not just what they could do better.”

Yes, And

The bedrock concept of improv theater is “yes, and.” You accept what your partner offers, then you build on it. Since 1989 Chicago’s Second City has sold this idea to companies, today through its business arm, Second City Works. Its clients have included Major League Baseball, Clorox and Farmers Insurance.

In 2015 two Second City Works executives, Kelly Leonard and Tom Yorton, published the book Yes, And. It applies the lessons of improv to work in companies.

The Insincere Period

In 2015 psychologists at Binghamton University, led by Celia Klin, showed 126 undergraduates short exchanges. One message read: “Dave gave me his extra tickets. Wanna come?” The replies were words like “Okay,” “Sure,” “Yeah” or “Yup.” Text messages that ended with a period were rated as less sincere than the same replies without one. The study appeared in the journal Computers in Human Behavior.

A 2006 study looked at 200 exclamation points in two online discussion groups for library professionals. It found that they “may function as markers of friendly interaction.”

A Positive Work Environment

T-Mobile’s employee handbook said: “Employees are expected to maintain a positive work environment by communicating in a manner that is conducive to effective working relationships with internal and external customers, clients, co-workers, and management.” In 2016 the National Labor Relations Board ruled the rule unlawful. Labor disputes, the Board said, involve “arguments, and less-than-‘positive’ statements about terms and conditions of employment.”

On July 25, 2017, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals disagreed. It found that “a reasonable employee” would read the rule as “requiring professional manners.” The court said the rule expressed “a universally accepted guide for conduct.”

A Smile for the Telephone

In 1963 the State Mutual Life Assurance Company hired the graphic artist Harvey Ball. The company wanted to lift employee morale after a rocky merger. It also wanted employees to smile while they used the phone. Ball drew a smiling face. The drawing took ten minutes, and he was paid $45.

In the early 1970s two brothers from Philadelphia, Bernard and Murray Spain, sold products with the face. They added a slogan, “Have a happy day.”

The Magic Ratio

In 1998 Jim Thompson founded the Positive Coaching Alliance, a nonprofit for youth sports. It urges coaches to follow the “Magic Ratio”: “five pieces of positive feed-back for every criticism.” Thompson calls it “the single most important action most coaches can take to become more effective.” By 2015 the alliance had partnered with roughly 3,000 schools and youth sports organizations.

The 5-to-1 figure came from studies of stable marriages. The basketball coach Phil Jackson learned the ratio through the alliance. He admitted that his own ratio with his players “was closer to 3:1.”

The Eleventh Commandment

On September 25, 1965, Gaylord Parkinson, chairman of the California Republican Party, issued a rule for Republicans in the 1966 election campaign. It became known as the Eleventh Commandment: “Thou shalt not speak ill of any Republican.” Other wordings, such as “any fellow Republican,” are also in use.

Ronald Reagan, who ran for governor in 1966, popularized the rule. In his autobiography An American Life (1990), he wrote: “It’s a rule I followed during that campaign and have ever since.”

Fifteen Pieces of Flair

In the film Office Space (1999), a waitress at the restaurant chain Chotchkie’s wears 15 buttons on her uniform. The restaurant calls them “flair.” Fifteen is the minimum.

Her manager calls her in to talk about it. She has done what the rules require. He tells her that the company wants her to express herself. Some coworkers, he says, wear more flair than the minimum. It is up to her, he says, whether she wants to do only the bare minimum.

Variety called Chotchkie’s “Friday’s-esque.” In 2004 the film’s writer and director, Mike Judge, said that about four years after the film came out, Friday’s “got rid of all that flair.”

Service with a Mandatory Smile

In 1998 the supermarket chain Safeway enforced a program called “Superior Service.” It “requires all employees to smile, greet and make eye contact with every customer who walks in.” Workers were expected to smile, make eye contact, and be cheerful and courteous. Undercover shoppers checked on them. Poor evaluations could bring “remedial training, disciplinary letters and termination.” About 100 employees attended a one-day role-playing class.

In August 1998, 12 women told Safeway executives that the rule drew unwanted attention from male customers. A produce clerk, Richelle Roberts, said: “Let me decide who I am going to say hello to with a big smile.” A Safeway spokeswoman, Debra Lambert, told another paper that the company was “not asking an employee to smile in a certain way.”