“Hey, how are you?”

Observations of a young German woman in Cincinnati, Ohio in the U.S.

This comment gets it right: “My experience with small talk is that it starts light and superficial, but the longer it goes on, the more personal it gets. It’s as if both are sending out feelers to find out how deep (or long) the conversation is going to be and to make sure both can end it (or back off) at any time without things getting awkward.

The answer to ‘how are you’ (‘hey, what’s up?’ actually) is always expected to be short, but can be open ended to lead the other person to probe deeper if they wish, such as, ‘okay I guess, I got some stuff going on.’ The other person can back off and say, ‘yeah, I hear ya’ and change the subject if they don’t want to go deeper, or respond with, ‘really? what’s going on?’ if they want you to open up more. Like a verbal tennis match where each hit gets harder to see how intense the game will be. I’m not sure I phrased it right, but I think you catch my meaning.”

Mean

An uncut scene from Bridesmaids where Kristen Wiig and the teenager argue in the jewelry store. This is improv at its best! Who says Americans can get in each other’s face?

YouTube comments:

“This girl was only 14 when she held her own with a professional comedian for 10 minutes.”

“Kristen Wiig is an absolute improv genius and not afraid to set herself up as the punching bag for the little girl.”

“They clearly were having way too much fun with this scene. Mia starts to smile too much because it’s such a joy to go so unhinged on somebody. The director probably said to go in there and completely go off on her but don’t overlap lines so we can edit. The editors probably had too much fun with this scene too. Can you blame any of them?”

“Props to Kristen but that girl annihilated her.”

Bringing back directness

Texas trial lawyer Jefferson Fisher comes from the land of bless-your-heart politeness but says pleasantries threaten workplace culture.

“There’s this tendency to tiptoe around the heart of the matter,” he says. “It’s not going to go well for you over time, and you’re going to find that people will trust you less.”

In the future, offices could become even more passive-aggressive, unless we practice the art of disagreement. The Wall Street Journal spoke with Fisher, author of “The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More,” about how to bring directness back to the workplace.  

Joe McCarthy

McCarthy Hearings (1954). Senator Joseph McCarthy’s anti-communist investigations targeted the personal loyalties and reputations of government officials, military officers, and private citizens. Accusations of professional disloyalty were treated as attacks on personal character, often resulting in ruined careers and social ostracism—highlighting how, in American public life, professional and personal assessments are inseparable.

Euphemisms

Because Americans find it difficult separate what they say from the person they are saying it to – especially in the case of criticism – they strive to use softer, more indirect language, including euphemisms: mild or indirect words or expressions substituted for ones considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.

Examples of euphemisms: pre-owned car instead of a used car, sex worker instead of a prostitute, to be between jobs instead of to be unemployed, senior citizen instead of old person, underserved neighborhood or underserved population instead of the poor, or an impoverished, needy neighborhood.

Further examples: economically disadvantaged instead of poor; temporary negative cash flow instead of broke; enhanced interrogation methods instead of torture; collateral damage instead of civilian deaths.

About George Carlin.

come across as a command

Giving advice to someone is not as simple as just telling them what to do, especially in an intercultural situation where more sensitivity needs to be applied.  The problem is that if the advice you give is too direct it can come across as a command. What if you haven’t understood the situation correctly or completely, and your advice is no good? The person seeking your advice needs ‘an out’ – a way that they can reject your advice, or reformulate their request for advice without losing face – or causing you to lose face!

Colleagues and friends

Differences in the workplace environment can be reflected in the sorts of extra-workplace relationships that develop between co-workers. Company policies aside, of course. Two recent independent surveys of couples in Germany and the U.S. yielded the results that 24.5% of U.S. couples met their partner at work, while in Germany this number lies at only 12%. However, the most common way in which couples met was the same for both countries: through friends.

Books on advice-giving

When typing in „advice“ into amazon(dot)com – USA – roughly 140,000 books are listed. When inputting Ratgeber (literally advice-givers) into amazon(dot)de – Germany – about 640,000 books are listed.

There 320 million people in the U.S. In Germany there are 80 million. The American population is four times larger than the German. However, there are four times more books written in Germany on giving advice than in the U.S.

The Germans give advice and the Germans take advice.

understand-culture
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