“Speech is silver. Silence is gold.” German children are taught to only speak when they have something intelligent to say. Idle banter – to speak or act playfully or wittily – is viewed as superficial, a lack of education, poor upbringing. It is considered impolite.
More books about Small Talk
Amazon Germany lists 196 books with ‘small talk’ in their title. The best sellers are Small Talk für Dummies, Small Talk – Nie Wieder Sprachlos (Never Again Speechless) and Small Talk – Die Besten Themen (The Best Topics).
The typical table of contents reads: What is small talk? What purpose does small talk serve? In what situations do you use small talk? When can small talk be dangerous or uncalled for? When do you need small talk? What topics are appropriate in small talk? Which topics are dangerous in small talk? Small talk and body language. How to react to small talk? How to deal with small talk in difficult situations?
Nearly two hundred books. What does this tell us about small talk in Germany?
schwätzen
Schwätzen means to gab or chat about topics of low relevance and in a thoughtless manner which has no value. The Germans speak of dummes Geschwätz – dumm is stupid, dumb, idiotic, asinine, foolish.
Geschwätz from the verb schwätzen – when people in public spaces blab out loud, when students gab during classes, or colleagues do the same during meetings. A Schwätzer is not shunned, but disliked, and not respected. A Schwätzer talks too much and does too little.
“Klappe halten“
Germans believe that if a person does not have anything valuable to offer in a given discussion then it is better that they say nothing at all – die Klappe halten.
Klappe is a cover, lid, flap. Halten is to hold or keep shut. Germans do not consider it to be impolite if in a discussion one or more people say little or nothing. Seldom do they ask, prompt or summon those who are silent to participate.
To talk about the weather in the German context means to talk about nothing of importance, to have a meaningless conversation, to be superficial. It is a signal to both parties that they have nothing to say to each other. It‘s embarrassing for both.
The German Mahner
“Their approach demonstrates that their entire Middle East policy has been a total failure. It is now necessary to do serious analysis about the havoc the Americans have wreaked especially in Iraq when they started the war based on false claims (of weapons of mass destruction).”
Statements made in response to the dramatic military gains made by ISIS-forces in the Middle East by Peter Scholl-Latour – the recently deceased elder statesman of German foreign correspondents and author of many books, especially about that region.
A closer look at the quote reveals characteristics typical of the German Mahner – from mahnen: to give friendly earnest advice or encouragement to; but also to warn, rebuke, chide, reprimand, reproach.
Before the Mahner can raise his index finger and issue a rebuke, he must have deep subject-matter knowledge and expertise. This includes having done serious and thorough analysis of the matter at hand.
The German public held Scholl-Latour in very high esteem. Time and again he was able to convince his readers and listeners of his point of view based on his almost awe-inspiring presence, on his many years of professional experience in several regions of the world, and on his broad and deep understanding of cultures and politics.
For nothing persuades the German public more than an expert who combines theoretical knowledge of a complex subject with many years of personal experience dealing with that subject.
Manager as Neutral Party
German team leads have an impersonal, business-like relationship with their team members. They maintain emotional distance from the team in order to guaranty neutrality and fairness. Especially when providing feedback on performance do they focus on results and not on the person.
This sachlich – impersonal, neutral, business-like – approach can be observed in the personal interaction between manager and team. When providing feedback German team leads are reserved, unemotional, their body language limited to a handshake. Neutrality is the key.
Whether discussing past performance or formulating new goals, the Germans focus on the facts, ideally on what is measurable. A discussion about development addresses professional skills and less so personal development. Critique is communicated in a respectful and serious way. Humour is considered disrespectful and unprofessional.
If the feedback discussion includes criticism, German managers strive to be particularly neutral, unemotional, fact-oriented. This reduces the potential for an escalation of emotions. The two parties should focus on performance. The discussion is impersonal and objective.
Hart aber Fair
Hart aber fair – Hard but Fair – is a very popular weekly 75-minute talkshow in Germany about political topics. The moderator, Frank Plasberg, and his guests take on especially current and controversial issues.
As the name of the show suggests the discussions are open, lively and controversial. The show is well prepared and well structured. Ideological speech-making is blocked. Facts and logical argumentation are critical.
Between five and six guests are invited representing politics, academia, non-governmental organizations as well as “the man or woman off the street.”
The guests are carefully selected to represent the specific sides of the argument. The show’s research staff provides background information during certain segments.
Scream and Yell
Spectacular was the interaction between Chancellor Helmut Kohl and SPD-Chairman and former Chancellor Willy Brandt on May 12, 1985 after elections in the state of Northrhine Westphalia.
It was a ZDF (Second German Television) discussion and debate about the results which then, however, turned into an argument between Kohl and Brandt about national topics, including German-American relations.
“You’re hurting the German people with these lies”, Brandt screamed while smacking the table with his hand. “I cannot accept this!”
Kohl, sitting right next to Brandt, remained calm: “You can yell and scream at your employees in the SPD, but not here with us in front of the German people.”
Mr. German Man is direct
An American woman. Married to a German man. How her husband is very direct. And about how Americans learn to be indirect, especially when giving negative feedback.
Warning ! This woman is a youtuber. And an American on top. So, she is more than a bit animated. And frankly, she could have made her points in about two minutes instead of seven and a half.
German Humor meets American Mentality
This from German Science Comedian Vince Ebert:
A comment: “A German compliment sounds like this (and I quote my brother): “You look fat in that dress, but great dress!”
Another comment: “In the U.S., we have a satirical News outlet called The Onion that writes fake stories to make fun of our culture and government. In Germany, I’ve heard their version of this is a website called Stupidipedia that’s a satirical version of Wikipedia, that’s full of fake, interconnected information. They made a whole encyclopedia as a joke. The Germans do in fact have a sense of humor, its just over-engineered like everything else in Germany.”
“What the hell were you thinking killing all of the Native Americans?”
An interesting comment: “The smoking areas on train station platforms are actually more helping to concentrate the cigarette waste in one place so it’s easier to clean, that’s why I like this system. It’s meant to keep smoke from non-smokers but whatever. It has working benefits.”
One cliché after another. The German people have a wonderful sense of humor.