The friendship between Goethe and Schiller is one of the best known in German literature. They addressed each other as Sie. Goethe told Schiller: Sie haben mir eine zweite Jugend verschafft und mich wieder zum Dichter gemacht. You have given me a second youth and made me a poet again. The music writer Graham Johnson notes that Goethe never said du even to Schiller. Goethe did move to du with the composer Carl Friedrich Zelter. This happened in 1812, when Zelter’s stepson had shot himself. In his reply to Zelter’s letter, Goethe addressed him for the first time with the brotherly du.
Merz Offers Klingbeil the Du
At the end of March 2025, during the coalition talks, Lars Klingbeil appeared on the ARD talk show Caren Miosga. He reported that Friedrich Merz, then 69 years old, had offered him the du a few days earlier. Klingbeil described the relationship with care: Wir wollen gar nicht beste Freunde werden, aber ein Vertrauensverhältnis ist gerade dabei zu wachsen. We do not want to become best friends, but a relationship of trust is starting to grow. A few days later, a newspaper headline called the two men die Duz-Partner, the du partners.
Who Hears About Your Money
Über Geld spricht man nicht. “One does not talk about money.” In May 2026 the polling firm YouGov asked 2,094 people in Germany with whom they talk about nine money topics. The answers form rings. Between 42 and 56 percent talk with their partner, depending on the topic. With close family the share is 22 to 44 percent, with friends 11 to 35 percent, with the wider family 4 to 14 percent, and with colleagues 3 to 14 percent. On their own income, 53 percent talk with their partner and 17 percent with friends.
Colleagues are not entirely outside the circle. In a 2023 survey of 3,000 skilled workers for the job portal meinestadt.de, 53 percent said they did not talk openly about pay with colleagues, which means close to half did.
The Office Is Not the Home
In Wirtschaft und Gesellschaft (Economy and Society), Max Weber described the features of modern bureaucracy. In principle, he wrote, the modern civil service separates the bureau from the private residence of the official. Bureaucracy sets official activity apart as something distinct from the sphere of private life. German summaries of Weber list this feature as Trennung von Amt und Person, the separation of office and person.
The Du From the Christmas Party
In December 2010 the Tagesspiegel answered a reader’s question. The boss had offered the du at the company Christmas party. How should the reader address him now? The newspaper advised caution. Ihr Chef hat diese Entscheidung vielleicht nur aus einer Feierlaune heraus getroffen. Your boss may have made this decision only in a party mood. At the next meeting, wait and see. Bleibt Ihr Chef beim Duzen oder siezt er Sie wieder? Does your boss stay with du, or does he go back to Sie? If you have to speak to him first, use Sie.
The Vocabulary of Address
duzen — to say du
siezen — to say Sie
ihrzen, erzen — historical: to say Ihr, to say Er
per du sein — to be on du terms
das Du anbieten — to offer the du
der Duzfreund — a friend with whom one uses du
Wo haben wir denn schon zusammen Schweine gehütet? — Since when did we herd pigs together? Duden explains it as: since when are we on du terms?
Drinking Brotherhood
The traditional switch from Sie to du is called Brüderschaft trinken, drinking brotherhood. The dictionary DWDS explains it as agreeing to say du to each other, and records phrases such as wir haben auf Brüderschaft angestoßen, we drank a toast to brotherhood, and wollen wir nicht Brüderschaft machen?, shall we not drink brotherhood? German Wikipedia notes that younger people and workforces usually switch to du at once. If the du is offered from the wrong side, older or more traditional people sometimes find it inappropriate.
Who Offers the Du
Traditionally, German colleagues begin with Sie, the formal you. Moving to du, the familiar you, is a step that one side offers. The German Knigge Society, which advises on manners, gives the rule. Der Vorgesetzte bietet dem Untergebenen das „Du“ an. The superior offers the du to the subordinate. Among equals, the older may offer it to the younger. The Society for the German Language observed in 2020 that Germans use du more often now. But it added that the du does not mean the hierarchy has gone.
“Dienst ist Dienst”
Dienst ist Dienst und Schnaps ist Schnaps – literally: Work is work. Schnaps is schnaps (alcoholic beverage) – is a very well-known German figure of speech underlining the strict separation between work and play. A similar figures of speech conveys German thinking: Erst die Arbeit, dann das Vergnügen – first work, then enjoyment.
With themselves – In themselves
Why do Germans have such difficulty with dienen, serving?
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Germans in many ways live mit sich – with themselves, and in sich – in themselves, in the sense of how they live, where they live. Their surroundings are very much a part of their personality, their self-understanding.
Unexpected visitors, regulations or limitations on their private lives are quickly interpreted as almost personal attacks. A boss calling unexpectedly, friends dropping by for a visit, colleagues giving unsolicited advice concerning their private lives make Germans feel uncomfortable.
To serve well, though, means to push to the side one’s own values, beliefs, ways of living. The better one can do that, the better one can serve. And that is the difficult part for Germans.
Germans prefer far more beraten, to advise, or to complete a task. Beraten involves addressing a topic, subject, or problem. It is impersonal, independent of one‘s values, lifestyle, or belief system.