Indirect Refusals Archives - understand-culture

Borrowing Grain

Zhuang Zhou was poor and went to borrow grain from the Marquis of Jianhe. The marquis answered: “Yes. I am about to collect the taxes of my town. Then I will lend you three hundred pieces of gold. Will that do?”

Zhuang Zhou flushed with anger. On his way, he said, he had seen a carp in the rut of a cart, asking for a little water to stay alive. He had promised to go south to the kings of Wu and Yue and turn the West River to meet it. The carp answered that it would be better to “look for me early in the dried-fish shop.” (Zhuangzi, External Things)

Study It, Study It

In May 2016, a commentary in the Procuratorial Daily, republished by People’s Daily Online, criticized officials who hide behind procedure. It described their habits with two set phrases: “When something comes up, they do not handle it, but ‘wait and see.’ They kick the ball back and forth and ‘study it, study it.'” (遇事不办”等等再看”，来回踢球”研究研究”。)

On Expressing an Opinion

On July 8, 1925, Lu Xun wrote Lilun (立论), On Expressing an Opinion, collected in Wild Grass. A pupil dreams that he asks his teacher how to state a view.

The teacher tells of a family that shows its baby son to guests at his one-month celebration. One guest says the boy will be rich and is thanked. A second says he will be an official and is complimented in return. A third says the boy will die and is beaten by all of them together.

“To say he will die is to say what must happen. To say he will be rich may be a lie.” The pupil wants neither to lie nor to be beaten. Then, says the teacher, he must say: “Aiya! This child! Look! How very… Ayo! Haha! Hehe! he, hehehehe.”

Too Ill to Serve

When Cao Cao was Minister of Works, he summoned Sima Yi to serve him. According to the Book of Jin, Sima Yi saw that the Han dynasty was in decline and did not want to bend to the Cao family. He declined, saying that he was paralyzed and could not get up. Cao Cao sent a man at night to stab him in secret. Sima Yi lay firm and did not move.

When Cao Cao became chancellor, he summoned Sima Yi again and told the messenger: “If he hesitates again, arrest him.” Sima Yi was afraid and took the post.

Some Other Day

改天吧 Some other day.

下次吧 Next time.

暂时不 Not for now.

这次免了 Let’s skip it this time.

A 2024 China Daily language lesson notes that “directly saying ‘no’ is often considered rude in Chinese culture.” To decline an invitation from a superior, it suggests a form such as “If I could, I would love to, but…”

Leave the Surrounded Army a Gap

Chapter 7 of The Art of War lists rules for the use of troops. Among them: “Do not block an army that is going home. When surrounding an army, leave it a gap. Do not press an enemy at bay.” In the original: 归师勿遏，围师必阙，穷寇勿迫.

Declining With a Song

A short passage in the Analects tells how a man named Ru Bei wanted to see Confucius. Confucius declined, saying that he was ill. As the messenger was going out of the door, Confucius took up his zither and sang, “so that Ru Bei would hear it” (使之闻之).

High Notes, Little Action

In December 2017, Xinhua reported a written instruction by Xi Jinping on formalism and bureaucratism. It called for firm measures “in particular against prominent problems such as making many statements in a high key, with little action and poor implementation” (表态多调门高、行动少落实差).

The Good-Person Card

你是个好人 “You are a good person.” Since the 1990s, this has been a common way to turn down a suitor, often followed by “I believe you can find someone better than me.” The phrase spread from online forums in Taiwan.

Internet slang calls it receiving a 好人卡, a “good-person card.” To refuse a suitor gently is 发卡, to hand out a card.

Steps to Come Down

给台阶下 To give someone steps to come down. To offer a way out of an awkward position.

不了了之 To settle a matter by not settling it. To leave it unfinished, let it drag on, and count it as done.

冷处理 Cold treatment. To leave a matter untouched for now and settle it at a better moment.

推托 To decline with an excuse.

婉拒 To refuse gently.