The American negotiation vocabulary has a name for the effect of the first number, and it is taught as something to deploy rather than merely to notice. Who anchors first is a live question in American negotiation training, with an argument on each side.
psychology
Rapport
An American sales and negotiation term, taught explicitly, with techniques attached: matching pace, finding common ground, remembering personal details. It is treated as a skill that can be learned and improved, not as something that either happens or does not.
Saving face
Gesichtswahrung. Face-saving. German conflict resolution attends to it explicitly, and the word is used openly in describing how a settlement was constructed. A resolution that humiliates one party is understood to be unstable, and constructing the exit is part of the work.
Tactical empathy
Chris Voss, formerly the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator, teaches a method built on mirroring, labelling the other party’s emotions aloud, and calibrated questions. His book became a major American bestseller and his firm trains corporate negotiators. The technique is not to set emotion aside. It is to name it accurately and work with it.
Emotional blackmail
Emotionale Erpressung. Emotional blackmail. A German term applied to a negotiator who invokes the relationship, the history, or personal difficulty in order to move a position. The word names it as coercion rather than as persuasion.
Don’t take it personally
Said in American workplaces before or after criticism of work, and the frequency is the evidence. Nobody issues the instruction unless the default is the opposite. The sentence concedes what it is asking people to overcome.
Gut
Go with your gut. Trust your instincts. What does your gut tell you? My gut says no.
American business speech treats the practitioner’s intuition as a legitimate input, nameable in a meeting and stated without apology.
The organ is the point. The claim is not that the person reasoned quickly. It is that something below reasoning produced an answer worth acting on.
Why we find it hard to say no
To learn to say no, we have to first understand what’s resisting us about it. Below are common reasons why people find it hard to say no:
You want to help. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.
Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying “No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude.
Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement.
Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her.
Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. didn’t want to say no as she felt it would affect her promotion opportunities in the future.
Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.
From Celestine Chua of The Personal Excellence Blog.
When to say No
“When to say No”, from the Mayo Clinic website on stress management:
Focus on what matters most. Examine your obligations and priorities before making any new commitments.
Weigh the yes-to-stress ratio. Is the new activity you’re considering a short- or long-term commitment?
Take guilt out of the equation. Don’t agree to a request you would rather decline out of guilt or obligation.
Sleep on it. Before you respond, take a day to think about the request and how it fits in with your current commitments.
How to say no.
Say no. The word no has power. Don’t be afraid to use it. Be careful about using substitutes phrases, such as “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think I can.”
Be brief. State your reason for refusing the request, but don’t go on about it. Avoid elaborate justifications or explanations.
Be honest. Don’t fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.
Be respectful. Many good causes land at your door, and it can be tough to turn them down. Complimenting the group’s effort while saying that you can’t commit shows that you respect what they’re trying to accomplish.
Be ready to repeat. You may need to refuse a request several times before the other person accepts your response. Calmly repeat your no, with or without your original rationale, as needed.
Embrace Conflict
In 2012, American business magazine Forbes published an article that lists several keys to dealing with workplace conflict. In the article, the author suggests that every business leader should adhere to the principle “don’t fear conflict; embrace it – it’s your job.”
The article also recommends that every conflict should be resolved quickly, and, if possible, business leaders should identify people who are likely to get into conflicts and stage pre-conflict interventions with everyone who seems likely to become involved.
Another article from About Money lists actions to avoid when resolving workplace conflicts. The top two points on the list advise leaders not to avoid conflict and not to meet separately with the people in conflict. Most articles from American business journals include similar advice.