Giving advice to someone is not as simple as just telling them what to do, especially in an intercultural situation where more sensitivity needs to be applied. The problem is that if the advice you give is too direct it can come across as a command. What if you haven’t understood the situation correctly or completely, and your advice is no good? The person seeking your advice needs ‘an out’ – a way that they can reject your advice, or reformulate their request for advice without losing face – or causing you to lose face!
She is extremely opinionated
Mom is staying with us for a week (CNY, spending time with grandkid). She is extremely opinionated and is always “sum”ming us about all sorts of things. Already driving my wife up the wall. What are some good phrases to firmly and/or politely end those exchanges? Kinda like “if I wanted your opinion, I would have asked.”
Phrases responding to unsolicited opinions
by u/counterhit121 in Cantonese
vague acceptance
- Polite acknowledgment with thanks or vague acceptance.
- Using indirect, non-committal language to deflect.
- Shifting conversation topic or gentle humor to ease tension.
- Avoiding direct refusal to preserve 面子 and harmony.
- More direct boundaries possible in very close relationships but still softened.
Chinese reaction
In Chinese culture, receiving unsolicited advice is often met with polite restraint and subtle social navigation to preserve 面子 (face) and maintain harmony. Recipients typically avoid outright rejection or confrontation, as this could cause embarrassment for both parties. Instead, they use neutral, non-committal responses like 谢谢你的关心 (“Thank you for your concern”) or 我会考虑的 (“I will think about it”), which acknowledge the advice without promising compliance.
If the advice is repeated or overbearing, recipients may employ indirect deflection strategies, such as changing the subject, giving vague answers like 也许吧 (“Maybe”), or expressing appreciation while signaling no further discussion is desired. In closer relationships, lightly humorous or self-deprecating remarks can mitigate tension. However, outright dismissals or phrases equivalent to “If I wanted your advice, I would have asked” are considered rude and avoided.
This careful, indirect management of unsolicited advice reflects broader Chinese communication principles prioritizing respect, social harmony, and hierarchical sensitivity. People strive to maintain good relations in conversations even when advice is not welcome.
How to respond
A native Chinese explains how to respond to unsolicited advice.
stories, hints, or cautious language
- Unsolicited advice is usually indirect and softened to maintain 面子 (face).
- Commonly given in close relationships, especially by older family members.
- Often communicated through stories, hints, or cautious language.
- Politeness and respect take priority to avoid causing offense.
- Recipients may respond non-committally to preserve harmony.
- Etiquette coaches advise waiting for invitation or signaling before advising.
within close relationships
In Chinese culture, giving unsolicited advice is common, especially among older generations or within close relationships like family. However, it is usually done with an emphasis on politeness, respect, and indirectness to avoid embarrassment or loss of face. The advice is often softened with cautious phrasing, indirect suggestions, or shared experiences rather than blunt commands.
People often use gentle language frames such as 我觉得 (“I think”), 也许 (“maybe”), or share stories to imply advice without directly imposing it. Giving advice unsolicited can reflect care and concern but is balanced carefully with social sensitivity; excessive unsolicited advice might be politely ignored, met with soft refusals, or acknowledged with non-committal responses like “hmm.”
Chinese etiquette experts emphasize the importance of timing, relationship closeness, and softness when offering advice. Advice is generally more acceptable when it flows naturally from a caring relationship and is presented with humility and respect for the other person’s autonomy.
Ladies and Gentlemen
In large meetings, the host usually welcomes the participants by uttering the phrase “Ladies and Gentlemen” in Chinese, similar to what hosts normally do in the West. This may appear as if the Chinese are respecting women more by saluting them ahead of men, but that’s where the similarity ends.
considerate and non-intrusive
Using conditional phrases like “if you’re not busy” or “if you have time” softens the obligation to agree, indicating respect for the other person’s choice, allowing for an easy decline if needed.
anecdotes and observations
- Using anecdotes or general observations instead of direct instructions.
- Prefacing advice with expressions like 我觉得 (“I think”) or 也许 (“maybe”).
- Soft refusals or corrections that imply suggestions rather than commands.
- Offering advice after building a rapport and trust.
- Employing humor or riddles to convey alternative perspectives without offense.