Formality
Formality is the default with a new German colleague, and it is not coldness. People use Sie and last names with titles, Herr Schmidt, Frau Dr. Weber, often for months and sometimes for years. That distance is the normal and respectful starting point. The shift to first names and the informal du is a real threshold, usually offered by the more senior or older person, and when it is offered it is a milestone. Do not rush it, because jumping to first names uninvited reads as presumptuous. Keep emails and greetings formal until the signal clearly comes, and reciprocate the register you are given.
Separate Rooms
Germans keep professional and personal life clearly separated. A colleague can be friendly, competent and entirely pleasant for years without ever inviting you home, connecting on social media or saying much about the weekend. None of that means the relationship is failing. Private information is earned rather than handed over, so do not probe into family, salary or personal matters early. The relationship deepens by your being admitted step by step into the private sphere, and when that happens it is a genuine sign of trust. Being warm but not intrusive is what works. Oversharing to fast-track closeness does not.
Reliability
In German working relationships trust is built slowly, and it is earned mainly by doing what you said you would do when you said you would do it. Showing up on time, hitting deadlines, keeping commitments precisely, following through on small promises. These are not professional hygiene. They are how you become someone a German colleague can rely on. Trust is extended cautiously at first and then becomes deep and durable, often for years. The reverse matters just as much. Missing a deadline or quietly dropping a commitment damages the relationship more than it would elsewhere, because it strikes at what the relationship is built on.
Through the Work
With German colleagues the relationship is built through the work itself rather than through personal rapport, charm or socializing. Respect flows from demonstrated competence in your area. Knowing your subject, being well prepared and handling your responsibilities properly earn you far more standing than likeability does. You do not need to befriend people in order to work well with them, because doing serious and accurate work is itself the relationship-building. Conversations stay on the matter at hand, zur Sache, and that task focus is not coldness. It is how Germans show they take you and the work seriously.
Directness
German colleagues say what they mean plainly, including disagreement and criticism, and they mean it as respect. Klartext signals that they take you seriously enough to be honest with you. Softening, flattering or talking around a problem comes across as evasive and even insincere. Blunt criticism of your idea is not a personal attack. The critique is aimed at the issue, and the relationship is expected to absorb it without damage. The useful response is to answer in kind. State your view directly, give honest assessments, and separate the substance from the person. Germans will trust you more for being straightforward, and indirectness quietly erodes their confidence in you.
Responsibilities
German working relationships run smoothly when everyone knows exactly who is responsible for what. Clear roles, defined areas of competence and explicit agreements are not bureaucratic obstacles. They are the foundation that lets people cooperate without friction. Colleagues relate to each other partly through their Zuständigkeit, so stepping uninvited into someone else’s area, or being vague about who owns a task, creates real tension rather than seeming helpful. Be precise. Clarify who does what, honor the boundaries of other roles, and make commitments explicit rather than assumed. When responsibilities are ambiguous German colleagues feel genuine unease, and the relationship suffers for it.
Connections
This pattern has two layers and they have to be kept apart. In practice, relationships are a real resource in German working life. A trusted recommendation, a former colleague who vouches for you, a long-standing supplier or banking relationship. Germans call it Vitamin B, and it genuinely opens doors, especially in the Mittelstand and through professional networks. Alongside that sits a strong ideal that advancement should come from Leistung, from competence and performance, and not from whom you know. Openly trading on connections is seen as faintly improper. So connections matter, they work quietly, and they are gated by earned trust. Name-dropping and transactional networking do not.