This unwillingness to discuss private time with colleagues reveals both the German distaste for small talk, but also the German desire for privacy.
Germans have a clear and robust sense of what should be in the public domain and what should not, and although there are exceptions for good friends, finding out what your colleagues get up to outside of work requires military grade interrogation techniques.
With waterboarding out of the question, I am left with little recourse other than to linguistically trap colleagues into giving away small details of their lives. The excruciating process of trial and error can last for years, until one day a colleague feels comfortable enough to actually tell you directly what they get up to when not at work.
If you’ve ever said “How are you?” in Germany and got a blink, a nod—or a 10-minute life update—you’ve hit a culture switch. In German, “Wie geht’s?” isn’t small talk—it’s a real check-in. Today you’ll learn why Germans skip small talk, what they say instead (Moin, Na?, Alles klar?), and exactly when to use Wie geht’s? so you build trust, not awkwardness.
Comments:
Why would you ask a question if you don’t expect an answer?
I just ran this by my German girlfriend and she said “Oh my God, YES!” She said that the “How’s it going?” Or “You alright?” greeting in the UK was really difficult for her to begin with. It’s like “You’re gonna ask me that and then not wait for the answer?”
After my exchange year in the US, back in Germany, I stumbled over a report the organisation sent my parents. There was one phrase that stood out and went along the lines of “He speaks his mind and could improve on the tact.” My parents never mentioned it to me…
On Amazon.com, there are 125,927 search results for books involving small talk. On BarnesandNoble.com, thee are 328 books found under small talk. Titles include The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep it Going, Build Networking Skills—and Leave a Positive Impression by Debra Fine and Turn Small Talk into Big Deals: Using 4 Key Conversation Styles to Customize Your Networking Approach, Build Relationships, and Win More Clients by Don Gabor.
A comment: “A German compliment sounds like this (and I quote my brother): “You look fat in that dress, but great dress!”
Another comment: “In the U.S., we have a satirical News outlet called The Onion that writes fake stories to make fun of our culture and government. In Germany, I’ve heard their version of this is a website called Stupidipedia that’s a satirical version of Wikipedia, that’s full of fake, interconnected information. They made a whole encyclopedia as a joke. The Germans do in fact have a sense of humor, its just over-engineered like everything else in Germany.”
“What the hell were you thinking killing all of the Native Americans?”
An interesting comment: “The smoking areas on train station platforms are actually more helping to concentrate the cigarette waste in one place so it’s easier to clean, that’s why I like this system. It’s meant to keep smoke from non-smokers but whatever. It has working benefits.”
One cliché after another. The German people have a wonderful sense of humor.
From DW – Let’s face it, we could all do with a bit of good luck this year. Rachel is on the hunt for lucky charms in Germany and finding out a bit about German happiness along the way. Is Germany a happy nation? What brings good or bad luck in Germany? And why is Rachel on a pig farm? Find out in this week’s Meet the Germans.
A teacher in German commented: “I’m actually studying to become a teacher and we intentionally wish the students “success” and not “good luck” because of the very reason you stated: we want them to feel like they can have an impact on the result by studying and not just being lucky.”
Another commend: “The secretary at the welcome desk in our university mentioned to me that the following day was her birthday, and I very innocently and enthusiastically said, “Alles Gute!”. I will never forget the almost terrifying face, the awkward silence, like I had committed a crime. “It’s not really good to wish someone happy birthday before the day,” she said. I had no idea. She tried to laugh it off, but her eyes looked seriously worried I carry the guilt to this day.”
In the German business context small talk is short in duration. Germans transition quickly from small talk topics to topics of substance. They see little value in talking about the weather, sports or their most recent vacation. Germans don’t like to waste time. They like to get to the point. Examples
This video is pure genius. It gives superb examples of how the German language enables one to communicate very complex emotions in just one word, typically a compound of two or more words.
Futterneid. Kummerspeck. Luftschloss. Lebensmüde. Schadenfreude. The list goes on and on. Talk to your German colleagues about this. You’ll love the conversation.
False friends, ridiculous grammar and never-ending nouns. German is by no means an easy language. However, it has its funny side too, as we find out in this week’s episode of Meet the Germans.
YouTube comments:
“I love all the ‘thing’ words we have: Feuerzeug = fire thing (lighter) Fahrzeug = driving thing (vehicle) Spielzeug = play thing (toy) Werkzeug = craft/labour thing (tool) Or some of our animals: Nilpferd = nile horse (hippo) Nashorn = nose horn (rhino) Stachelschwein = spike pig (porcupine) Waschbär = wash bear (raccoon) Faultier = lazy animal (sloth) Schnabeltier = beak animal (platypus)”
“Yeah german gets a lot easier when you understand that most of these long words are just two short words connected.”
“I’m german and i got the impression that mostly negative things about the german language circulate the web, like it sounds rough, unfriendly, is difficult to learn and overly complicated. It’s really nice seeing it in a positive, funny and native way and i hope it helps foreigners to see it in a different light. We are and used to be famous for our writers and poets, so the language has to be fit for that kind of work and those people also benefitted the language in that regard. On the other hand we are famous for our engeneering and our scinetists so another major part of our language is logical, accurate and descriptive. Our language has multiple different layers which are often overlooked, quite understandably to be honest, and I think the german language is beautiful in its own, rough mantled way. :D”
One of the many clichés about Germany and the Germans says that they act in a not very friendly or even rude manner towards strangers. You might get that impression when you first come to Germany and try to get to know somebody else on a train, a bar or at work.
Especially as an American, you might be used to getting in contact with strangers really quickly. In Germany, you probably won’t. It is a scientifically proven fact that German people simply don’t chat in public places when they don’t know each other. But what is often interpreted as rude manners, is more like a basic inability of Germans to small talk – they simply are not used to it.